i heart jury duty!!!!!

pick me! pick me!

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME!!! what? guilty? okay. GUILTY. what? not guilty? okay. NOT GUILTY. what? morals? i'll go against them if it means me not going to the office to be a slave. fine by fucking me.

i'll be the best juror EVER, i promise!!!!!!!! save me!!!!

i had a lunch break today. WOW. what's that? whole new fucking world. AND! i finally got to catch up on reading and have maybe 15 pages left of 'the alchemist'!!!!!! :) and i sat in the park. and people watched with my ipod on (one of my favorite things to do). and went undiewear shopping at century 21. FUN! and got dismissed at 2:45!!! :)

OF COURSE, i could've gone into the office, but the way i look at it, i fucking DESERVE to have the afternoon off.

so i'm going to start cleaning as soon as i'm done blogging.

JURY DUTY'S THE FUCKING SHIT!

:)

god bless jury duty

yay! i'm sooo excited to go to jury duty!!! woo hoo! :) i know, sounds like i'm on crack, right? well, that may be true, but i am actually just fucking happy to NOT have to go to work for 14 hours (times that by 3x a week, it woud be 5 if i didn't have "class"). "class", because i have to drop the fuck out since i'm at work for 14 bloody hours a fucking fuck day! FUCK! so "class" is my only out to GET OUT of work at a "normal" time. mother fucker. fucking balls. oh, and NO overtime. fucking getting raped. bastards.

i think i have a swearing disease. fuckshitbitch disease. does that exist?

anyway.....mindi, i just wanted to let you know that i took 3 bags for you tonight (and YES, i was totally fucking allowed to). (and yes, this is what it's come down to, me writing people via my blog since i don't exactly have free time anymore.)

yay for independence day. can't wait!

wanna hear the funniest thing? apparently, i'm the "go to" person for grammatical error checks pre- sending professional emails. (did i just make you fall off your chair and get back on it and fall off it again and puke out your breakfast?) WTF?! do they NOT hear me talk? OBVIOUSLY they don't read my blog. i couldn't give a flying fucking shit about grammar. ha! maybe it's from being at ru for 3 1/2 years. SO I DID LEARN SOMETHING FROM THE 'OL RU AFTER ALL. W-O-W. and here i thought it was just how to mass mail with style... for real, i am like....stuffing queen. ACTUALLY, i recall someone at ru calling me the stuffing queen. how sick is that?! i got some MAD skillz, yo.

and i quote: "why can't this program come with a jackie?"

my supermodel dog

macha & teddy (her best friend)




macha's love is one so powerful that it can turn anyone into a chihuahua lover.

south beach & work

working really late works out great while dieting...

YOU DON'T HAVE A SECOND TO THINK ABOUT FOOD!!!

it apparently looks like i have lost weight already, according to my girlies.

GREAT!

:)

swipied out at 12:04 am and because we left so late, we SET OFF the alarm!!!

haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

:)

fuckers.

oh, and marissa, i promise i will respond to your "tag" -- just not now.

because she's so cute

i couldn't resist posting another one of her. :)

this bitch needs to start charging

i was just asked if she could "model again" for a & e. i think it's high time she starts getting paid. so she can pay some rent.

agree?

i know she just put a smile on your face. how can you not smile, looking at that photo??

the south beach diet

shamu needs to lose some weight. but don't worry, i'm not going for the anorexic look -- i just want to slim off some of that whale fat. i'm not going for what i looked like a year ago, because i probably looked like i was on crack. and the funny thing is, the reason i was so goddamn skinny is because the ex made me feel fat (all the time, really)!!! which is probably why soon after we broke up, heffer mama got fat for real. and i now embrace my fat ass. and my boobies grew slightly, too. :) so, that's why i want to remain a whale, but a slim whale.

so i've agreed to go on the south beach diet with 2 of my co-workers, starting tomorrow (and i can't believe that i'm actually allowing myself to diet, as i think it's obnoxious to diet). i don't have all that much confidence in myself that i'll actually make it, but i'm going to at least try. i'm such a foodie, i'll probably take my life because i won't be able to handle not eating (anything)!!! ugh. this is gonna be hard. but i realize as i get older, my metabolism just isn't what it used to be. i could eat healthy for a day and i'd lose weight. now, i have coffee and i gain 5 pounds.... or i so much as *think* about steak and i gain 15.

and mindi seems to think i'm gonna be a pain for the next 2 weeks. pain my ass. i'm such a *delight*...i don't know what she's talking about.

so anyway, here goes a journey of shamu does the south beach diet. it's probably going to be nothing but a bitch fest on my blog for the next two weeks.... (sounds REAL fun, right?)

and i think my break from homework is over now.

ciao ciao.

69 ooh la la

it has been brought to my attention that #69 on my 'favorite things' list seemed as though i was trying to slyly be a skank ho (i PROMISE that was my twin sister you saw stripping at scores, that bitch. how dare she misrepresent me). while i DO enjoy the extremely pleasurable "69" (and i KNOW you do TOO, don't play the innocent game on me now!), that's NOT what i was referring to. #69 just represents all the fun ny summer things, such as (i feel compelled to list them):

trapeze school (i like to watch, not do)

movies on the piers

movies at bryant park

summerstage

boat basin cafe

biking (i know this is not restricted to summer, but it seems it's the only time i actually *do* it -- though i've yet to thus far)

people watching in the park(s) (again, not restricted to summer. BUT summer = more people outdoors)

street fairs (though i'm really kind of over them)

eating outside

kayaking on the hudson (i've never actually done it, for fear of my life. meaning -- if the kayak tips over, i'm fucked for life because that water will make me grow a third arm & i'll have green skin for the rest of my life & my armpits will stank like moldy cheese FOREVER)

my YUMMY coconut dominican ice stuff

and every other year, cirque du soleil (or is it every year? i feel like it's every other... ??)

and i know i'm missing/forgetting stuffies, but i'm just trying to prove my innocence!!!

:)

these are a few of my favorite things (a la 'sound of music')

(in no particular order)

1. people watching (esp. with my ipod on -- it's a great way to get the full effect of body language)
2. driving with all the windows down
3. singing in the car (WITH THE WINDOWS UP)
4. shaking my ass to everything & anything
5. the sound of waves crashing when i'm in bed
6. coconut EVERYTHING
7. papaya from my mom's trees
8. mangoes (but NOT the gross mangoes here)
9. mountain apples
10. apple bananas
11. golden pineapple from maui (yes, there is a difference)
12. the smell of pikake
13. the smell of tuberose
14. the smell of gardenia
15. sitting up at tantalus and gazing down below (i've yet to find the ny equivalent, as there aren't exactly any mountains here and i don't live in a highrise)
16. jamaican beef patties
17. krispy kreme donuts
18. coffee
19. i feel kinda guilty for saying sewing, since i haven't done it in a really long time
20. working with leather -- omg...it sooo makes me *sweat* :)
21. macha's unconditional love
22. slippers
23. the smell of freshly cleaned laundry
24. eli's sourdough bread that i used to get at zabars
25. spanish olives from the zabars olive bar, but i haven't gotten them in a very long time
26. fairway really late at night/really early in the morning (no people)
27. blogging
28. being lazy occasionally
29. purple roses (i've just learned of this one)
30. buffing my feet in the sand
31. swimming
32. red velvet cupcakes from billy's bakery
33. kalua pig
34. momi ball drinks (but only when i'm in hawaii with my friends, driving to waikiki just to get the stupid thing)
35. san loco -- esp. their guaco loco
36. root beer (but not a&w)
37. dale & thomas popcorn (formerly known as popcorn, indiana)
38. hot chocolate in the winter
39. sex (and EVERYTHING involved)
40. my couch
41. olfa rotary cutters
42. my rotary punch tool
43. airtunes
44. jersey sheets
45. opakapaka (i don't know what the english name is of this fish)
46. ahi poke
47. lomi lomi salmon in poi
48. miso butterfish
49. sushi in ny (believe it or not, it's better than sushi in hawaii)
50. fruit n' yogurt parfaits before work
51. cetaphil
52. my scrubbie in the shower
53. my oral b toothbrush
54. everything alessi
55. mango a-go-go from jamba juice (but only in hawaii)
56. the smoothie place on waialae ave. (can't remember the name)
57. big nick's chicken caesar salad
58. my spinach salad from guy & gallard 5x a week and it sometimes comes with a heart on the lid if whatever-his-name-is makes my salad
59. blockhead's pulled chicken burrito
60. uncle lani's poi mochi balls
61. leonard's malasadas
62. butter mochi
63. snow (but not the day after or all the other days after, for that matter)
64. sledding (i never got to do it as a kid, so leave me alone)
65. snowtubing (same as above)
66. spring
67. fall
68. and yes, i do love summer, but it's hard to say that i *love* it in ny -- i *love* it in hawaii -- no stupid humidity...
69. okay fine, i'll admit it because there's a ton of fun things to do in ny in the summer (and this # represents just that)

i think it's impossible to actually list all my favorite things, as i haven't even gone into the obvious ones. so i think i'm gonna stop. put it this way, i'm probably the easiest fucking person to please because i like fucking everything and don't mind a lot. so there you have it. #70 - #(infinity): EVERYTHING.

"hawaiian walk"

k: hey jackie, did i ever tell you that you have a hawaiian walk?

me: oh great. i know, i drag my feet, right? (in my defense, it's from wearing slippers, or what you people call "flip flops" my ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE, every FUCKING damn day.)

k: no, it's like... [she demonstrates] you know, like your hips go from side to side. [enter her sound effects] (hip to the left) boom...(hip to the right) boom....(hip to the left) boom....

me: i....do??? oh...HA!

k: yeah, it's like this "island girl" walk. you know what i mean, right? all island girls have that walk for some reason. i don't know, it's weird. (she's from guam)

me: yeah, i know what you're talking about. [giggling]

the funny thing is, i've only recently realized that there IS such a walk. when i was at the airport waiting to board continental's direct flight to hawaii, i saw this mom & daughter team. i didn't even have to see what they looked like (hawaii people have a very distinctive look, usually). just from their walk, i could tell they were 110% fucking from hawaii. i don't know how to explain the walk, but there's DEFINITELY one. but several different ones.

there's the "tita" walk -- the big scary girls that walk like they're tough & rough (AND THEY ARE!!! SUPER SCARY!!!).

the "moke" walk -- the big scary boys that slap their feet on the ground and really overexaggerate the shoulder sway thing, while sticking their chests out like a girl with boobies would.

if you are none of the above (tita/moke), then you have the "lazy" walk (which is what i have) -- you drag your feet because those fucking slippahs weigh a fucking ton....

and now, thanks to k bringing it to my attention, there's the "island girl" walk -- which i'm not sure EXACTLY what it is, but somehow it involves swaying your hips.

so anyway, because of my recent (at the time) observation, i started to pay attention to how people walk in hawaii. i was definitely giggling to myself A LOT this trip, but not AT anyone, just at the plain & simple fact that there is a "walk."

i think in illustrator

yes, you read right. i have finally crossed the border and am now officially insane. fuck me. so last night, as i was doing my homework, i erased a line that i drew and this is what went on in my head immediately after i erased it:

shit! COMMAND Z! COMMAND Z! UNDO! UNDO! FUCK (as in fuck, i wish i didn't erase it because i can't just do "redo," as i'm not actually drawing IN illustrator right now). [brain pause, processing what just happened] wait....FUCK!!!... i can't believe i just thought that. shit. oops.

yes, exactly.

not only am i shamu, but i am now loopy [enter the "crazy person" music here] shamu.

it's just getting worse & worse as i age. i'm sooo fucked. yeah, and how about that birthday coming up. good lord. can it not? can't i just be like my sister (BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT FOR ME SAYING THAT, please continue reading to find out why) -- how she can remain 5, even when she's "35?" can i be ..... well, i think i'm liking 26. so can't i just stay 26 forever? she (the devil incarnate/satan) somehow knows the trick....

hawaii picnic

there's one thing that EVERYone from hawaii knows: that we know how to fucking EAT. all we care about is fucking grinding some ono ass grindz.* the 20th annual hawaii picnic in central park was held yesterday on a beautiful (but really fucking hot) sunny day. though, what i really took from yesterday, is that i think i've actually rid of my homesickness. i mean, of COURSE i'll ALWAYS be semi-homesick, but i wasn't exactly "sad," after all these reminders of what once was my home. don't get me wrong, hawaii will ALWAYS be a huge part of me, my life, and who i am but it's definitely not what i call "home" anymore. as much as i cherish & love all my mostly wonderful memories of my childhood & teenage years, i couldn't be happier ... period... (well, that's a lie. i would be happy if i actually finished my homework -- that i should get back to.)

anyway, mindi and emily (another hawaii chick) joined in on the fun (and later, her roommate, anna).


mindi, anna & emily listening to the hawaii jams


sorry, i was a bit late in getting a photo of all the food before shamu attacked


a beautiful day in central park with choke** hawaii peeps


hula dancers. i suppose that's how i learned how to shake my ass...

---------------

*grinding some ono ass grindz: eating (grinding) some yummy (ono) ass food (grindz)

**choke: a lot, plenty (or plenny/planny if you wanna say it the hawaii pidgin way), many (or much if you wanna say it the hawaii pidgin way -- one of the many things i had to learn when i first moved here -- that much doesn't always quite work in every sentence. yes, i know, i sound dumb now, but i promise you this is a very common thing. must i defend myself with another pidgin-to-english blog??)

the hamptons

emily, charlie, macha & shamu


comments courtesy of the lovely hamptons women (and men): oh, well that's an interesting haircut... i've never seen that haircut before.... what kind of breed is he?


i suppose i shouldn't let them know that that is the ONLY doggie wardrobe....

wanna hear about my super productive day (too bad if you don't because i'm still gonna tell you anyway)???!!! :) i went swimming (20 laps) in the A.M., did homework-shopping, did laundry (blankets & ALL), cleaned (as in scrubbed shit clean, NOT tidy up), and now i'm going to do my homework. oh and hello -- blogged too, as that's like...the most important thing... :) i suppose being motivated & inspired helps to get shit done... shocker....