Tuesday, May 31, 2005

coney island

and this is why coney island's the shit:


and um...this yuckiola guy has a GIRLFRIEND!!! HELLLLOOOOOOO??!!! who the fuck would let their boyfriend wear a fucking THONG? nonetheless -- don't you QUESTION his sexuality???!!!!!


sorry, that was too good to not start this posting without that coming up first...

anyway, here's our day:


laura, anna, emily, shamu & katherine (on our merry way to coney island)



$10 drinkies that pretty much had NO alcohol in them -- if i can't taste it, then there must not be any of it present...



the dog line



gross, icky boyfriend gave girlfriend a cowboy ride -- imaginary lasso & all -- i just wasn't quick enough to catch that moment... sorry.



anna & katherine make their debut in the 'coney island circus sideshow'


and to think just two days earlier i was in the hamptons with fabulously FAKE people... lovely... i have to ask permission if i can post pictures from that day from r first (if you're wondering why no photos from the hamptons are posted).

Thursday, May 26, 2005

i heart meat

how cute are these burgers?! they're so damn cute, they ALMOST made me not want to eat them. but who are you kidding? i'm shamu/porky pig/heffer/fat mama/hippo/garbage disposal/blahlah (i think that might be hawaii terminology -- means exactly what it sounds like -- a "blah" ...? actually, i don't think i actually *know* what it means)/president of fat girls club, etc....





Wednesday, May 25, 2005

my dog

is the pickiest/snootiest/freaker-outer-if-mommy-isn't-around BITCH in the world, but goddamn, she is FUCKING CUTE!!!!!

and as i have witnessed this morning, even the cameraman (or woman...person) thinks she's the cutest EVER as well!!!! seeing as she was in 2 pre-commercial shots (or whatever you call them) AND she was the closure of a segment. :)

here's her shamu mommy with marissa & mindi (the only two that read my blog):

Monday, May 23, 2005

meet dumb


dumb & dumber



dumb with sunglasses on with mindi trying to irk me with HER sunglasses on at prom (yes, i promise those photos are coming soon -- maybe tomorrow if i get shit done)



my hot co-workers (with dumb)



hee



marissa & fat whale a.k.a. dumber

you make me wanna hump you

you're like dumb and dumber [when you dance], but it's awesome.

if i have someone to be dumb, and i (am permanently) dumber (i'm fucked, really), you sure as hell are gonna get EXACTLY that (and even if i don't, i'll still do it, but having a dumb makes it all the more funner!). let's be honest here, i can barely SPEAK without laughing -- how the hell do you think i'm gonna "dance?" not SERIOUSLY, that's for sure. i prefer laughter, thank you very much.

:)

Friday, May 20, 2005

E-E-W

FDA warns airline food supplier over filth

and this is why i travel home (back to ny) with 50 pounds of food... icky, icky, poo....

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

and this is why i'm gonna pay her the big bucks...

mindi volunteered her ever-so-talented writer boyfriend, tommy (formerly known as t), to write my press release as a prep for a big interview he has on wednesday & to help out her hopeless friend.

when asked by tommy about "how am i different," i respond:

me: uh.................i don't know. um........well.....doggie stuff's not really a new thing anymore. i know the other doggie wardrobes out there are just made out of presswood and are really crappy...... um....let's ask mindi when she gets here, she's good at that stuff. she's my life advisor and i'm her technology slash everything else advisor.

i later ask mindi the same question and she responds:

mindi: well, jackie's all about quality [interrupted]...

me: well, that's not really good enough to put in a press release.

mindi: she cares about her products. she makes sure that the lining is right for the dog, that they can breathe -- she doesn't line her bags in plastic or (i can't remember what else she said). she combines form with function. (i think she said more but...oops...well, you get the idea.)

me: YES! and THAT'S why you're here!!!

mindi: yeah, that's the only reason why i'm here.....and that's why you're gonna pay me the big bucks!

me: yep! that's right! because clearly i can't do it myself!!

---------

[to tommy]

me: well, if you have any questions, you can just email me and i'll try to get back to you asap.

mindi: or, you can just ask me.

me: yeah, because clearly you have better answers than i do, so yeah, just ask mindi.

ladies and gentlemen, the ever-so-fabulous mindi, the future president of my foundation & coo of my company:



(i would've put the picture up of her & tommy, but i have to ask her permission to do so.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

find me a man. PRONTO!

apparently, the following is written with a THICK sharpie on my forehead:

i am soooooooo incredibly desperate, SO desperate that i will make out with a fucking rock. for the love of god, please, please, please won't someone help me out?! (yeah, yeah, yeah -- i KNOW that all can't fit on my forehead. fuck off.)

this, i have learned by boris, mindi's doorman, who so eloquently put it:

boris: oh! hi! come here. [i walk over] i found someone for you.

me: what? you found someone for me?

boris: yes, he lives on the 5th floor. give me your cell number. he's very good looking.

me: what?! are you trying to set me up?

boris: he's very good looking!

me: well, he doesn't know what i look like!

boris: i tell him. i tell him that you're very good looking. give me your cell number.

me: uh......and what -- he's just gonna...call me? i don't think so. i don't think he'd appreciate you setting him up.

boris: no, come on, then you can come here all the time. i'll give him your number.

and out walks mindi. thank GOD! do i look desperate? apparently, i must... ????

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

hot n' steamy night!!!

so this is t's email in response to my blog:

Hmmm....

Now isn't THAT a curious post! Are she and I thinking of the same "one wish?" Do YOU know what that "one wish" is, Min? Are you two just getting me all hot and bothered for no reason? Is this a set-up?

I don't appreciate being taken advantage of ..... well, okay, I do ...but at least follow through!!!

Forward THAT to Jackie. And tell her I dare BOTH of you to walk your talk.

-------

so....t.........you know, if you want your "one wish" to come true, at least be there for it... thesis shmesis... what the FUCK. well, feel sorry for YOU! you missed out!

hot damn, that was the greatest fucking night of my life...EVER! dude, my windows were all like...cloudy and shit -- and it's NOT because of the heater! and you chose not to witness it. oh well! tough shit for you. we did WALK OUR TALK and you're the one that chose fucking thesis shit over us, so phleeehhhh (sticking the tongue out like a little kid noise -- not sure how else to spell it out...).

oh, and um....don't be surprised if mindi is *suddenly* disinterested in you... once you go jackie, you never look back...

heh heh.

:)

Saturday, May 07, 2005

addendum to my '99 things'

1. if you make me feel bad/guilty enough, i'll submit.

2. and that's the reason why i'm doing an addendum for the 30 of the 99 that i bullshitted with.....

3. i was a dj at fit. i had an oldies show.

4. being an oldies geek is even better when you find out there's someone equally as oldies-geeky as you. i've only heard about her & our many similarities and then one day.....i FINALLY worked with her (at chuck e. cheese) and we've been friends since.

5. i was a kleptomaniac. even got arrested for it. and this is what my bratty ass said to my parents when i got picked up from the police station: "i only stole because you never buy me anything!" WOAH! FUCKING BRAT! yikes.

6. i'm so honest that it gets me into trouble.

7. my mom & my sister weren't talking for YEARS. i MADE them make-up. and now my sister gets jealous if i DARE mention that "mom called." so i keep the whole "mom talk" on the down-low.

8. my mom, it's safe to say, HATED the sister and it was really obvious growing up. this is probably why she is the way she is. but it's hard to feel sorry for someone that is an imbecile at 35 (going on 36).

9. i don't think i'll ever be rich because i would just spend all my money on my loved ones. i'm a very generous person -- probably too generous.

10. i'm the BEST secret keeper EVER!

11. i'm probably the biggest dork you'll ever meet.

12. the girls i work with use me to get stuff from other people in the office.

13. actually, everybody uses me, now that i think about it. but it's only because, you know, NOBODY can resist my...*charm*. hee hee. :)

14. my dog dribbles when she gets excited. and is VERY snobby/picky about who she decides to "like." and is the cutest chihuahua EVER!

15. i always say that "it's always been my plan to end up in california." but the thought of leaving ny is so incomprehensible, i wonder if i'll ever be ready to leave.

16. i have *many* food/drink weaknesses: caramel macchiato, krispy kreme, jamaican beef patties, emack & bolio's, beard papa's cream puffs, ALL hawaiian food(s), coconut rice (from ruby foo's), soy chai tea latte, yummy coconut ice stuff from those dominican ice carts on the l.e.s. and some other places (no, not the same as the italian ice carts), jack-in-the-box: curly fries w/buttermilk dressing, barq's root beer, stewart's root beer, CHEEEEEEEESE, san loco's guaco loco, ALLLLL sweets, and many, many more...

17. i wanted to be a food critic. actually, i still think it'd be the *coolest* job EVER. get paid to eat?! HELLO.......

18. i suppose that would mean i'd have to extend my vocabulary to include words that go beyond EVER and AWESOME and BEST and SUPER and FABULOUS and AND and UM. oh and i'd have to stop using FUCK. i should try that for a day. i bet you a million buckaroos i couldn't do it...

19. i make up words ALL the time.

20. i add -ie to EVERYTHING.

21. my dad *spoiled* me to no end.

22. i'm still spoiled, but i'm not a brat.

23. i'm a very appreciative person, all thanks to my mom and her drilling it in my head to say "thank you" for EVERYTHING.

24. i was an expert at tree-climbing. i was a bit of a monkey, i guess.

25. i have no shame. that's what the girls i went to high school with & i (10 of us) called ourselves ("no shame") for our "page" for our senior year yearbook.............

26. i over-exaggerate EVERYTHING.

27. i had a million crushes on a million boys in high school and only a few boyfriends. but the second they annoyed me (usually in a month's time or LESS), i dumped them. there wasn't anything there beyond the eye candy appeal...

28. i never used to go to school and was the "go to" girl for the "excused absence" passes.

29. the only drug i've EVER done was marijuana.

30. i've never smoked a cigarette in my life.

HAPPY NOW, BITCHES?!!! GEES.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

in exchange for my dear friend's misconduct

what if i finally let you have what you've always been dying for, t? wouldn't that be SO hot?! HOT enough to make you forget she ever did such a thing?!!!!

(can i just say...WHAT A GOOD FRIEND I AM......)

so maybe i'll repeat that right after you see that she forwarded me your email:

[t's email]

All right, now what's going on!

Just read Jackie's blog. Too many possible Alias secrets revealed.....can't take knowing....must resist asking too many questions....but.....but I don't know if I can....DAMMIT!

What's "Laura/Irina" mean? Does it mean what I think it does?

Just tell me that Jack hasn't softened up too much. Tell me he still kicks serious ass.

Min, you are NOT ALLOWED to watch Alias season 4. These are laws between us!

-------

REMEMBER t, i am granting you your ONE wish. DREAM come true. hear me? reading my words? got it?

that's enough to make you forget ALL of this, right?

and some cute pix of macha, too?



Wednesday, May 04, 2005

the alias obsession

one of the MANY things i've failed to mention in my '99 things.' sorry.

ANYWAY.

watching alias.

cuts to commercial break (DAMN THE COMMERCIALS!!!).

phone rings, caller id tells me that it's MINDI.

me: OH...MY...GOD. ARE YOU WATCHING ALIAS????!!!!!!!!!!! (obvious because my phone rang the SECOND commercials came on.)

mindi: I WILL NOT CONFIRM, NOR DENY, THAT I'M WATCHING ALIAS, but IF i were, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?!!! just don't tell t that i'm watching it (TOO LATE NOW!)!

me: I KNEW IT! DAMN YOU! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO!

she's giving me all these lame excuses of why she's watching it when she's SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL MY ASS BUYS SEASON 4 ON DVD, MISSY!!!!!!

i briefly fill her in and then we hang up because it's back on and we continue talking throughout every commercial break about what just happened & what's been going on with us.

[ring ring]

me: OMG! ARE YOU NOT BAWLING?!!! he was so in love with her (laura/irina)! and now sydney knows that he actually DID love her (sydney)!!!!

mindi: (the following is said with sarcasm) NO, i'm NOT crying, what are talking about?!

me: THANK GOD r's NOT here because i'm bawling! (though he probably already knows that i'm a loser if he caught me bawling during 'finding neverland' on the plane. and if he didn't, well, now he knows since i just gave myself up....)

mindi: I KNOW! I LOVE JACK BRISTOW!

hang up, call back, hang up, call back. catch up. life? life. good? good. work? PUKE. HATE. DIE. work.

and that, my friends, is how my evening went and now i have to do homework. bleh.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

99 things

mindi did 101 things, marissa did 100....i obviously have to follow what the only two people that read my blog do/did....

(and the prom blog is coming as soon as i gather all possible pix from it.)

99 things......

1. my middle name is hawaiian for heavenly flower.

2. i was/am a mistake child.

3. my dad wanted me to be a boy, named christopher.

4. my dad used to take me to work every summer and put me on the payroll to basically "keep him company."

5. my parents wanted me to be a pro golfer so that they could live off of me.

6. i've known my best friend, nicole, since we were 2.

7. i'm not sure how i'll handle raising kids (NOT that i'm having ANY any time soon!) without her living next door -- or even in the same state.

8. i'm extremely grateful for my childhood and wouldn't change a thing.

9. i've been working since i was 14 and had a gabillion jobs.

10. one of the funNEST was at subway, working with 7 of my high school friends.

11. i, for some odd reason, have brilliant friends -- not sure why they'd want to be friends with a dumbshit like me.

12. my dad's an electrician and my mom's a retired teacher -- and WHAT happened to me??

13. i HATED looking like other people and made SURE that i never did.

14. hating looking like other people meant that i actually cared about what i looked like.

15. because i hate looking like other people, as soon as i moved to ny, i stopped *caring* about what i look like.

16. i dress up when i have to, so don't worry.

17. i don't really give a fuck what people think.

18. everybody in hawaii does give a fuck what people think.

19. i had major culture shock when i first moved to ny.

20. i sometimes still suffer from it.

21. for many reasons, going to hawaii 2 months ago was probably the best fucking thing i did for myself. thank god for frequent flyer miles -- it allowed me to do a trip for $30 in less than 2 weeks.

22. my life revolves around food.

23. 99 things is fucking hard.

24. i could probably make you anything you've ever wanted, BUT don't ever expect it. you won't get it.

25. oh, except for food. i just eat it. don't make it. why bother. everyone else does such a fantastic job of making it, why should i?

26. as of yesterday, there is actually someone on my 'hate list.'

27. there hasn't been anyone on it since high school.

28. and high school 'hate list's' aren't vaild.

29. i'm stretching things to make 99.

30. if you're still reading this, you must be a) bored, b) marissa, or c) mindi.

31. i think i secretly can't stand it when people don't like me.

32. it's obviously not a secret anymore.

33. i know of one that HATES me.

34. i don't know how to say no, therefore, i've termed myself a "yes-er."

35. i swear a LOT and if you get offended by it, then you must really not know me.

36. i have a learning addiction.

37. i only have my a.a.s., in fashion design.

38. and fuck you, all you "you can't get a job without a degree" fuckfaces.

39. i've gotten myself several jobs post-college, degree-less & know many "degree holding people" that DON'T HAVE ONE! (and btw, do you KNOW how MANY famous fashion designers dropped the fuck out?!! just following their footsteps....... at least i finished the two years.....and i'm still going to school. i'll never stop. as long as i'm living in ny, my fat ass will be at fit.)

40. 'pretty in pink' is on tbs right now.

41. i am so blessed, i wish i were religious.

42. slow people annoy me.

43. for that reason, i haven't called to get a duplicate hawaii terror-on-wheels license yet. yes, i do suffer from road rage (but just like how i swear a lot, it's the same with my road rage, as in....NOT SERIOUS, just to entertain people in the car) -- just read #42 again.

44. for that same reason, i have ONE friend from fit (they all annoy me with their stupid questions that waste my time).

45. i actually don't have that many friends in ny & because it's so the opposite from when i was in hawaii, it took me a really long time to accept that -- i thought something was wrong with me for the longest time.

46. and now that i'm older and "wiser," i know now that i don't actually want/need that many of them & absolutely *adore* the ones that i have.

47. i used to have a backbone when i was younger.

48. now i let people walk all over me.

49. i can't believe i have to think of 50 more "things."

50. the sister is perpetually 5 (as in age).

51. i'm more afraid of success than i am of failure.

52. i wish i could chew people out like i could when i was younger.

53. with the exception of ONE thing, i was a DAMN good kid.

54. i never had a curfew.

55. i had parties ALL the time.

56. i miss my hawaii friends like they're body parts.

57. i wish i weren't so far from them.

58. i wish it were cheaper/faster to go to/from hawaii.

59. i'm the best "poster child" for ANYTHING i like.

60. i paid off my debt several years ago and now have more of it, thanks to my "business."

61. i promise my business will someday be the only job that i'll have.

62. but i won't promise when that'll actually happen.

63. i actually can be a bitch if you EVER cross me.

64. you don't want to see the "tita" jackie come out.

65. "tita" jackie has been dormant for a WHILE now.

66. don't necessarily need "tita" jackie to come out.

67. i got my lease renewal yesterday (for july 31st) and i'm not sure if i should renew it.

68. it's been requested of me to have another theme party.

69. it's gonna be for my birthday.

70. i'm looking forward to the hawaii picnic on june 5th.

71. people think i'm weird.

72. i think they're weird for thinking i'm weird.

73. i'd rather be weird than boring.

74. i know of lotsa boring people and i must say, i prefer weird.

75. this is really hard.

76. really hard.

77. are we there yet?

78. are we there yet?

79. are we there yet?

80. if you're still reading, you're either a) me checking for spelling errors, b) mindi, or c)marissa.

81. i'm getting old.

82. i can't believe i'm throwing a party for when i turn 27.

83. what's fun about that?!

84. i've never been to another country (besides canada).

85. but i've been to the west coast an UGABILLION times.

86. my excuse: geographic hazard.

87. when i was younger, i wished that my parents would get divorced and that i'd live with my dad.

88. my dad is the cutest man EVER!

89. except for his snoring. NOT cute, but endearing.

90. i hope they don't sell their house. i know it's not my decision, but they already broke my heart once before when they sold our beach house.

91. i still think of that house all the time.

92. i wish i could buy it back.

93. the new people that live in it put fucking CARPET in a fucking beach house. STUPID! what part of BEACH house do they not GET? BEACH house. BEACH house. BEACH = SAND.

94. 5 more.

95. i had my first kiss in first grade.

96. this is the year i graduated high school.

97. i stole my first ... ?? whatever when i was about 5.

98. it was a garfield notebook.

99. i suppose i should end this with something good............ummmmmmm.....i'm actually a bit more private than you think. think about it....look at the things that i mentioned.... i really didn't say that much.

:)

Sunday, May 01, 2005

prom king & queen


DUDE, is that NOT the DOPEST crown EVER or WHAT?!!!


i SWEAR i did not rig the fucking fish bowl. blog coming later. when i'm actually able to function properly. food coma. pass out. soon.