i've dissapointed someone

super ex tells me yesterday, "of all my friends, josh is the one that's dissapointed in you the most." (that's actually pretty shocking if you knew josh.)

me: REALLY? oh. weird.

super ex: he asked about your business and i told him that you put it on hold and he said:

[their conversation]

josh: what the fuck, is she stupid? she had all that momentum going and now she has to start all over again.

super ex: yeah, i know, she never listened to me for 5 years, so whatever.

josh: well, why'd she stop?

(here comes the funny part)

super ex: for a job.

josh: well is she still working there?

super ex: no. (ha! ha hahahahahahaha yes, no i am not because i am a fucking moron)

josh: well then....

so josh (and all my other super supportive friends), i say to you, i am trying my damnedest to get back on my feet. i have done more yesterday than i have in MONTHS for my business. i am still one scared fuck but fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. i'd rather fail by trying than by sleeping it away. so the end is NOT here yet, just a little..........??........um.....????? okay, not even going to bother with trying to come up with something clever. i'm too old to be a dumbshit anymore. i at least recognize that one of my faults is that i can be one lazy fuck and i'm trying to change that. (and i think i'm doing well so far -- i went swimming again this morning!!!)