mother

me: i want to use my miles to come back because i'm so uninspired and for some odd reason, i always get inspired when i'm in hawaii (the real truth is that i'm probably going through a mid-life crisis right now -- i know, what a drama queen...).

mom: have you looked for a job? [pause] why don't you let jen move in, she'll pay half the rent, you know.

[if you could've seen my face....PAUSE.....]

me: WHAT does THAT have to do with me being uninspired?!!!!

mom: it doesn't. she's looking for a place now and you should help her out.
FYI to you [the reader] and mom: SHE KNEW SHE HAD TO FIND A NEW FUCKING APARTMENT SINCE JULY OF 2004.

[holding back on the stupid i-want-to-ball-my-fucking-eyes-out-gasp]

me: I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

mom: okay, BYE!
note: she said "okay, bye!" in a VERY cheerful manner.

BITCH!

i am soo fucking pissed. i really want a divorce now. really. NOW!

all she is really doing is decreasing her chances on making me let that fucking devil incarnate move in.

from now on, every time i get a call from "private number," i am SO not answering it!!!!