negativity

what does one do when the root source of all negativity existent in her life is actually coming from her very own family? it's not like you can "dump" them as you can do to bf's/gf's and sometimes friends. and as we all know, it's not something that you can just easily "deal with" or "handle" -- your family doesn't just "go away."

for example, i told my mother the other night when she tried to force me to let the THIRTY FIVE-year old sister move in "TEMPORARILY" (temporary my ASS!) that i would jump off the GW bridge and kill myself because if it's not that, she will be one daughter-less either way. one of us is gonna dissapear off the face of the earth and rather than taking someone's life and end up in prison, i'd rather kill MYself.

and just to reiterate how bad it is, my sister, al, said in response to that: "you better not, because that would mean that i'd be forced to make jen a bridesmaid, so i will resurrect you and put you back in the ground myself."

and if you don't know me, that might sound harsh or even demented. i wish i could say that this person i have to call a sister is someone that really exists only as a myth, a figment of my imagination, etc., as EVERYONE i know has NEVER met her. of course, a lot of my friends back in hawaii have, but not one single person in ny has. she is the devil incarnate. whoops, that was i lie, i just remembered that jonah met her and ask him yourself what he thinks of her. even ask my ex-boyfriend. ask my cousin.

my mom said, "i don't know how i raised my daughters to not get along." my response: "I GET ALONG WITH AL JUST FINE."

hi, hello mom, if i were a bitch, i would say a lot more to you but i'm not. but what i would say is WHY DOESN'T YOUR DAUGHTER HAVE FRIENDS, why does my cousin, joelle, dislike her as well, why is it that EVERY time i go to her job, she's the ONLY one sitting by herself. why, at 35, can she NOT find a place of her own when SHE HAS $20,000 SAVED??!!!!!!!! HMM???? HMMMMM??? tell me, please. enlighten me. (i could go on for hours, btw)

i know this is making me sound absolutely insane but if you [the reader] think so, then that just means that you don't know [even half a toe of] me.