fabbie friends

it has occured to me while writing a comment on my (fabbie) friend's blog that i don't keep in touch with all my fabbie friends as much as i should, which is a bit unfortunate.

fabbie friend's blog

but it's NOT that i don't care about them or even not think about them -- it's just...i feel it's not humanly possible once you hit a certain age. and not that your friends aren't important, BUT there are things that need to be tended to first. for instance, i suddenly have 3 (yes, THREE) jobs. and possibly 4, as this was a previous agreement from the summer (but i've yet to touch base on this). so um... time? where the HELL do i get that from???!!!! and i know i'm not alone in this -- everyone is busy. everyone has things to do, places to go, people to see, etc.

i wish i had the secret formula to make this all work. do you? can i have it? please? i don't want anyone thinking that i don't care about them. because i *truly* do.

so to all my fabbie friends, please know that i *still* love & care for you and think about you on a *very* regular basis. and yes, i'm talking about YOU.

:)

bob

do you know that my entire life of growing up in hawaii i NEVER once listened to bob marley? or any reggae, for that matter. in FACT, i would TEASE all my friends that did, calling them "jawaiians".... ?? some word me & nicole made up for all the super "local" people that jammed to local music & reggae & the likes. (we were never really all that "local")

WELL.. now whenever i hear mr. bob, i get this funny smile on my face, as it makes me think of all my fabbie friends back in the 808. and guess what weirdo also has a TON of mr. marley on her computer..... fyi -- none of which i've actually paid for. just uploaded it all from my friend.

actually, one time, (at band camp) faye & i were at bs and i think 'could you be loved' came on the muzak and i started cracking up out of nowhere (no one else was around). faye was quite puzzled as to why i was laughing so uncontrollably and (once i finally half-stopped laughing) i said, "doesn't this remind you of being in the back of a pick-up truck in hawaii?" and she just looked at me like i had 5 heads and then laughed -- at me. N-E-WAY... that's exactly how i feel whenever i hear the bob.

IN FACT, when i ran into emily on new year's eve, that song came on and she said, "wait, are we in hawaii?" so you see, it's clearly a universal feeling amongst expat hawaii folks....

a few things...

so...i KNOW people are dumb but you know, every ONCE in awhile, i'd like to think there are a *few* smart ones beyond all the ones that i already know......

who the FUCK -- WHAT the fuck...???!!!! correct me if i'm wrong -- did we NOT have a snowstorm this weekend? hmm??? well, my still-great-vision saw a LUNATIC wearing OPEN TOE SHOES!!!!!! NO, it DOESN'T stop there... WITH PANTYHOSE!!!!

please read the following closely:

a) open toe shoes in JANUARY is a big fucking NO-NO. not only do you look RETARDED, you MUST be ....COLD??????!!!!!

b) PANTYHOSE + OPEN TOE SHOES = MAJOR fashion faux pas (i know i'm not all that "fashionable," but it's a bit different -- I DON'T CARE). might as well just shoot yourself dead before everyone else does.

c) pantyhose + open toe shoes PLUS snow OUTSIDE = you have got to have ABSOLUTELY NO brain AT ALL.

d) do you not watch the news?

e) even if you don't watch the news, don't you have a window? did you not see it SNOWING (and not just snowing, i mean snowing) outside before you walked your dumbass out the door in open toe shoes (+ pantyhose)?

f) NO person that would do such a thing could EVER make it on my friend list. i would rather hang out with satan herself, my sister. (woah! that's huge -- so yeah, get it in your head that you are one big fucking IDIOT.)

g) are you THAT insecure that you can't face the public looking all schlump-y?? feel sorry for you....

h) FYI -- that does NOT make you look hot/sexy/cool/cute because it only makes you look like you have no brains, hence my criticizing here....

now if only i could relay this message to that dumb girl(s)...

liz

i have just learned tonight that i apparently copy EVERYTHING my fabulous friend liz does. EVERYTHING. i met her at fit. we kept in touch. she referred me to her contractor. i use him. she referred me to a bunch of hardware/leather contacts. i use them. she gets a showroom. i join it. she freelances for this company. so will i. hmmm.. i see a sick pattern here! and now she's about to hire a pr firm. which, give it time and i will too! especially after this magazine comes out in march... wait, she's doing it now, so does that mean i should too? well, my pattern has always been do-exactly-what-liz-does-but-just-a-few-months-later. so maybe i will wait. oh and guess who designed my press kit -- YES, LIZ! sounds like a very one-sided relationship here... i hope i've given SOMEthing back to her. hmmm...i perhaps have given her a few contacts but that's it. gees. i need to step up...........oh! i gave her mindi! yes! there we go. thank goodness. gees. i was about to cry.

told liz i'd try to sell some bags for her while in hawaii. bags at apartment for MONTHS. just sat there. mindi came over. loved her bags. bought one. used it. used it. used it. uses it. got some random girl on a bus to get one. got a whole bunch of people wanting her bags.

YES! i'm so glad i've contributed SOMEthing to this relationship. i'm not so useless after all....am i? am i? i might have to kill myself if you tell me that i'm useless in life. really. because then what would be the point of my existence? so people can carry overpriced doggie bags? oh! here we go -- this is my purpose in life (and if any of you knew me in high school, you would ALL second this) -- to throw parties! ha! though, i don't have them like i used to. let me correct that -- i DON'T have them. but don't you worry, it's all gonna start up again. just you wait... :)

oof

if only this artist knew what the word "oof" means to the people of hawaii (yes, i DO know that it's not a real word). ha! that was the highlight of my day [on sunday], i have to say. so, oof = sexual intercourse. how someone sometime somewhere somehow back in the day came up with that, i don't know. anyway, that was great. brilliant. so here it is, oof in living color:



and now the most HIDEOUS picture i've ever seen of myself, in front of it (and also giving a thumbs up - meaning, "yes, please!" :) )



and last but certainly not least, me & lani in front of l&l (for the record -- i'm at 9):



oh, and one more of l&l.

and hallo radford, small kine little bit cut off da l&l (ultra cool) neon sign. shit. and eh! i already got criticized by my mom for my lazy walk. wat -- you neva wea slippahs when you was little?*

(oh and YES! we ARE wearing the SAME EXACT outfit. down the the uggs and all. so, hey mindi -- i guess i do that with EVERYONE!)



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*radford, you slightly cut off the (ultra cool) l & l neon sign. and i'm aware that i drag my feet when i walk -- doesn't EVERYONE in hawaii? did you not wear slippers (what you mainlanders call "flip flops") your ENTIRE life?

windglasses

is there such a thing? if not, i think it should be invented. there's sunglasses, so why can't there be windglasses? i'm not talking ski goggles here, just something sleek/chic to protect your eyes from outpouring tears (of PAIN!). thank goodness i don't actually wear any eye makeup, i mean, could you imagine? what do all those scary women that wear too much do? do they just say they were going for the "goth" look today? and even if i tried to use that excuse, it would be so totally unconvincing, so then i could say, "well, you see, i forgot my windglasses at home today, hence the river of tears."

or even windscreen. like sunscreen, just windscreen. wpf (as in wind protection factor) one uga-billion. at least when i get hot in the sun, i can run my ass across the hot sand into the water (or used to be able to). but with the wind? bejeezus! what does one do? cry and then curse the wind the next day when you see your dry skin, that's what. ick. nothing worse than wind-damaged skin. bastard wind. why must it exist? so i can bitch, that's why.

on a side (bitching) note: it really *bothers* (and i mean bothers) me when stupid people wear sunglasses at night. are they NOT called SUNglasses??? cause last i checked, they were! i mean, do you actually *think* you look "cool?" you actually look like an ufa-in (lani told me i need to stop cursing so much and if you've never read my blogs before, ufa is fuck you or fuck in samoan) idiot!!! repeat to yourself: SUN (yes, as in the big huge circular thing up in the sky that damages your eyeballs if you stare at it too long), okay one more time... SUN (SUN, SUN, SUN) glasses. NOT dark/night/no daylight/in the dark club/indoor/pitch black-glasses. got that? but don't repeat any of that before you think i'm trying to say it's okay to wear it at any time other than when the SUN is out. got it? got it? sure? you better. or my fat tita ass will come and kick your ass (ha ha - so kidding. so not a tita and yeah right i could even KICK [your/his/her/your homies] ass. would like to see me try. that'd be pretty funny. would i do anything other than laugh? i don't think you could kick peoples asses by laughing. you think? ha ha! i'm going to laugh you to your death! mmmm.....NO).

39 or 40?

so apparently you don't need to be all that great at math to get into law school. my dear friend, lani, who is incredibly intelligent, does NOT know BASIC math. we went to fairway - her total was $10.92. she gave the cashier $50.02 and both she & the cashier couldn't figure out what her correct change should be. so she tells the cashier, "yeah, it's $40.10." now, i am not one to correct people, because i don't really like to, as most people take it offensively so i just stood their quiet. we walk out the door and she stops... "it's $40, right?"

me: NO. it's $39.10

lani: are you sure?

me: YES. think about it. just add $10 and $40, what is that, $50. and then add your 92 cents. [enter sarcasm] oh! you went over already. trust me, i'm good with numbers.

this goes back and forth for a little while ($39 vs. $40)

lani: wait. [gets out phone to use calculator & screws it up on the first try; trys again] oh. shit. you're good. how the hell did i get into law school?

me: apparently it must not be too hard, if you don't even know basic math!

so we walk back in & she gives the cashier a dollar. and btw -- the cashier seemed pretty confused, as she obviously didn't figure it out that it's $39, as well.

disclaimer: i promise you lani is NOT a dumbass. although, i do have to say "she got hers" for when she laughed at me for walking into a door (IT WAS CLEAN GLASS!!!!!!!!!) on saturday. because she did the same thing yesterday!!!! ha ha. :)

old

funny the things you get excited about when you get older. i just about shit in my pants last night when i went to a "real" grocery store. all stocked with everything & every brand imaginable. like a 5 year old in a candy store, i tell you!!! how sick is that... i'll blog about me & lani's journey yesterday later, maybe after she leaves but this grocery store was one of our stops and omg - what a loser!! so fun. there are just some things that my favorite gourmet/fancy/overpriced grocery stores here don't supply. nor do they ever have everything i want under one roof.

i could almost hear my mom's voice in the back of my head. blah blah blah. yes mom, i know. oh wait and i spent $73 at the stupid place too. wtf did i get?? who knows. more stuff to make my fat ass porkier, that's what.

anyway, my fridge is so damn happy it just doesn't know what to do with itself... (not to mention my ENTIRE apartment, as i of course bought more shit for it yesterday, too. my abode is just about the happiest place to hang out. so fun. i love it! and not just for me -- mindi said she loves coming over because she gets to eat yummie treaties that she can never get anywhere else! :) and let's not forget to mention the company. ahem....that's REALLY the best part... ha ha. :) )

i'll bring the sun to you

since it's friggin' cold out, the least i can do is bring some warm images to you.


this is the triangle of neighbors


pearl harbor

war of the rainses

fuckingmotherballsshitassbitch. that was like, i don't even know what that was like this morning! it was such a tough, TOUGH 3 AVENUE block walk to work this morning. yikesies! it was pretty funny, as i was fighting for my LIFE! at some point, you wonder, what's the point of even having an umbrella if all it's really doing is restricting you to walk any faster because that bitch of a wind is trying it's damnedest to eat your umbrella whole? fuck that was a bitch this morning. it's a good thing i don't really care about what i look like because my hair was soooo whack by the time i got in.

okay, i feel really sorry for you if you actually read this blog. what a B-O-R-E. how lame can i be? does getting a 9-5er suddenly make you a boring person? if only i didn't need this job to work towards my life goal.... i guess it's worth being a boring person for a few years.

so welcome to the boring blog.

potagee mout

i can't believe that my potagee mout* hasn't written a blog in what... THREE days??? AMAZING!!! (WORLD RECORD!!!!! MUST be recorded in the books...SERIOUSLY.) wow. well, maybe it's because i have nothing interesting to say (then again, do i EVER?)...

you know what i'll say, here's what i'll say: it is sooo fucking BIZARRO to actually *work* at work, to the point where i can't even check my emailses** (and that is actually pretty painful). and what? i actually have REAL responsibilities? you mean, if that comes back defective, it's MY fault and my fault ONLY? yikes!

i'm guessing i can't shop at the stock room like i used to at XXX. that's actually a MAJOR bummer. oh especially the unlimited tampon supply (and crap, now i can't even visit to rob that tampon drawer because of the 9-5 hours!!!). *oh boy* do i miss that. i think my bank account felt the hit from quitting that job. i mean what the fuck -- i have to PAY for all this office shit now? are you fucking KIDDING me??? what shit!

in fact, let me give you an example of a day at my old job:

9:15 - 9:30: get in

9:15/9:30 - 10:30: email, imdb, say hi to ml, mk, am, fm, ah, cg, lb, & jl (i hope i'm not forgetting anyone, i apologize if i am -- if i'm forgetting you, let me know & i'll stick you in). sometimes hang out at the water cooler or the mailboxes for more chit chat.

10:30 - 10:45: coffee break in kitchen

10:45 - 12:00: play in photoshop for my stuff; time where me & at (a. t. is a person) laugh at (at as in at, not a. t. the person) crap. sorry, i'll repeat that, as i'm sure that was confusing: time where me & a. t. laugh at crap.

12:00 - 1:00: LUNCH! yay! fun girlie girl talk time

1:00 - 1:30: get reacquainted with my situation (yes, exactly, WHAT situation?)

1:30 - 3:00: IF there's work to do, this is when i would do it. if not, i just go back to playing in photoshop OR print out beautiful copies of shit for myself on the $14,000 printer.

3:00 - 4:00: yikes. food coma crash time. hmmm... oh! i think i hear the vending machine calling me! time to round up the vending machine crew -- usually me (OF COURSE, because i'm a fat pig, remember?), mk & ml. then we talk a bit. before it was removed from the budget, we used to go to tea time (but i think that was way back before mk & ml's time).

4:00 - 5:00: wind down the work day time. emailses**. say goodbye to all aforementioned so that i can book it at 5, rather than 5:15.

5:00 AND NOT A SECOND LATER: ever seen 'about schmidt?' well, that part where jack nicholson stares at the clock & waits for the second hand to hit 5 & then IMMEDIATELY walks out the door? yep, that was ME!

and if you think for ONE second that i'm joking about any of this, i am NOT. swear on my new fabulous apartment set up.

and now you know why i was so dedicated to this job. what a nice life, huh? and to all my peeps at XXX, just don't read this blog in front of all the you-know-who's. tanks, ah!***

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*potagee mout (poh-tah-gi mowt): someone that talks too much (or doesn't know how to shut up); referencing to portugese people, as they are known for talking too much (at least the potageeses** that live in hawaii)

**adding of the s or es when not necessary: very typical of the people of hawaii to pluralize EVERYTHING (most times not knowing that it is NOT necessary)

***tanks, ah!: thank you very much

why you would want me on your team

why? i'll tell you why:

because i'm loyal.

nicole: 24 years (or 23 if you go by nicole, but i swear we've known each other since we were 2)
stacy: 19 years
brad: 12 years
f.i.t.: 8 years

and i'm only loyal if i deem you worthy enough -- i don't just invest myself into anyone (or anything) here.. you have to be somewhat special.

because i'm dedicated.

although the heartburn kept coming on every single time i went to my famed l & l, i kept going back and it took 5 times for the heartburn to stop.

rockefeller u: every time i wanted to leave, i just switched departments (within the same office) -- 3 times. that's dedication man.... seriously.

because i'm so totally fucking HONEST.

i'll be the person that you wished you never asked that question because i'm the one that'll give you the answer that you didn't wanna hear. but you end up being thankful that at least someone's telling you the truth.

because i'm self-sufficient.

i will go to great lengths to get whatever i want. if i can't get it, i will find ways of getting it.

because i can hem your pants.

but don't try asking me to (i'm just speaking theoretically here), you'll never get them done. as much as i could do all those things for you, i don't even do them for MYself! you're better off taking them to the tailors.

because you will probably not spend a lot of money with me.

i'll tell you that i can make that for you, so you don't buy it. but guess what, you'll never get it from me (and if you do, it's MUCH, MUCH later). so hey! i still saved you money because you ended up not spending money on that piece of shit!

AND i'm the cheapest fucking date/go-out-with person EVER! i sometimes drink and am so simple. i find fun in everything.

because you'll probably get better abs from hanging out with me.

as i'll make you laugh so hard. so hard that faye was pissed she became sober from laughing too much. so hard that you'll probably trip (several times) like mindi does. so hard that you'll cry (or rather, i'll cry).

and if you don't, well that just means that i'll probably drop you from my friends list (getting too old to keep bleh people around). or you will because it just simply means that either a) we don't have any chemistry, b) you're boring, or c) we just don't connect on the same level (though it's usually b).

because when i love, i love with my all.

and when i love you, you know it. i SPOIL people that i love (and i'm not just talking romantic love here), making you feel oh-so-SUPER-special. and you must be for me to love you.

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UPDATE: mindi is NOT an idiot. she seems to think that i somehow make her out to sound like an idiot in my blogs. she is actually *quite* INTELLIGENT. she is by far one of THE most smartest cookies i know. and she's splendidly fabulous as well. :) in fact, thanks to her, i'm finally reading again (not sure why i stopped. oh wait, i know but i really don't want to say before i make this person sound like the devil). she definitely brings out the best in me and NO, tommy, sorry, your fantasies will NEVER come true.

brad

here's the comment he tried to leave [but obviously didn't get posted]:

well i guess i have to leave a comment since i have the honorable mention in this here bulge. "i going come i just stay on da hawaiian time."

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translation: i am coming but it's just taking me a long time.

(i'm sure you got that but i just thought i'd do it anyway.)

kevin

it all started with a "harappie neuyarrr." text message from kevin & now i'll be seeing him in march! :) yay! he'll be going to paris & stopping in ny for a day so of course, i offered up my bed & breakfast, as it's available (well, it always is) when he comes in! oh wait -- let's correct that. i don't make breakfast. but i can get it. well, then yeah, so it's still a bed & breakfast. :)

i should make an official sign. seeing as i'm bed & breakfast-ing to lani + 2 next weekend. and hopefully in february, my parents. and sometime in march, brad too (although i still don't believe that one's gonna happen -- he's been telling me he's "going to visit" for YEARS). so fun. i love hosting anyway. i pretty much have an open door policy. for instance -- i haven't seen (or really talked to, until friendster/myspace came along) kevin since... let's see... since he last showered with girls at my fit dorm. and that was um. maybe 7 years ago!!!! wow. and before that, it was probably my send-off at the airport. (on a side note -- funny thing is, about 30 minutes prior to his text, i left him a comment on myspace: "when are you coming back to ny? i promise i won't make you shower with stupid dorm girls. but i will hug you 'til no end because i miss my huggies from you!!!!!!!!!!!! :(" and no, he didn't see this before texting me.)

i wish i still had pictures of that [my send-off], i think i do in hawaii -- reason being is so that i could scan them and show proof of how loving hawaii people are. i had about THIRTY people at the airport saying goodbye to me.

oh and back to the point of this blog. well, not sure what the "point" was but um. yeah! i'm excited to see kevin.

"safe" place

have one of those?

what the hell is the point of having a "safe" place if you don't know where the fuckass it is????!!!!

first, i've lost my social security card in it (and this was a long time ago). so i bring out the passport. well, somewhere along the way, i've decided to tuck away my passport in that "safe" place too (and no, not in the same "safe" place as the ss card, a different one). "safe" place my ass! so SAFE i can't fucking find it!

i need one or the other for paperwork on monday.... so i better find that stupid place soon...

idiot.

birth control study

well... the title says it all... this is a pill that has yet to be fda approved.

yes, i am that stupid. it's called i didn't have insurance at the time (and i will again be insurance-less in a few weeks), sure as hell don't want kids (at least not yet), and it was a paid study.

now let me just tell you that since going on this study, i have gained a good 10 pounds (fuckers!) and wait 'til you hear this one... get ready to laugh because it would only happen to ME. really. i hope you're somewhere where no one can hear you. no quiet places or you'll have to come back and read this later.

I WAS FUCKING LACTATING!!!!!

oh and then the doctor tells me, "wow, we've never heard of that one. that's never happened to anyone before."

well of course not, that's because you've never had ME doing this study until now. all the fucked up things always happen to me and only me. yes, i am THAT .00000000000000001 percentile that has freakola bizzare shit happen to them. enter me into the (or any) equation and there you have it: me + ANYthing = retarded fucked up-ness.

well, obviously i am not doing the study anymore. in fact, i stopped shortly after i was lactating but was too afraid to tell them that i stopped so i didn't let them know until awhile after.... (even though i'm the one that's the victim here)

so today was my last appointment and i got my check -- not as much as originally stated since i'm about 13 months shy of how long i'm supposed to be on it, but the amount on the check... if only i were rich enough to rip it up....

IT WAS MY EXACT WEIGHT BEFORE STARTING THIS STUDY.

could ya rub it in ANY more. gee thanks. shitfucks. hate you too. thanks for NOTHING!

blog name

should i change the name of my blog to 'fat girl?' seeing as all i do is talk about eating... ???!!! i just realized that after posting this last blog..... thank goodness i'm finally going to make "going to the gym" a part of my routine as of next week. the way i talk about food, you'd think i was anorexic in a past life or something. maybe i was... ??

starvation

even though i tell people (or used to) on a daily basis what the clear & white diet consists of, somehow i still found myself struggling to find yummies to eat. fortunately, my colleague & i planned to go to... oh! guess what it is.... drumroll please... oh! did you get it? (if you didn't, then i have to say either a) you don't know me at all, b) you don't read my blog or c) you're dumb. oh wait, one more -- or d) you have a sad life if a or b applies to you. ha ha. just joking.)

that's right bitches, L & L baby. :) I heart L & L FOREVER. (and ever and ever and ever)

so it was kinda like starving myself so i could grind* my entire dinner and not have any leftovers more than it was to obey the "don't stain your teeth with colored food" rules for 24 hours (which is why i strategically planned to get my teeth done in time for L & L). and my colleague (who is also from hawaii) was also starving himself for the oh-so-worth-every-fucking-starving-difficult-shitty-painful-hungry-second. so at least we could suffer together.

before we left, i purchased 4 aloha maid drinkies for me fridge (you know, i gotta make my fridge happy too):



the girl at the register i think knows me now. uh oh. the recognition on her face and her smirk when she saw me bring up the 4 cans (if i had it my way i'd buy a whole fucking case).... oh boy. she was probably thinking, "oh, that's the girl that got pissed when we only had the diet iced tea. also, the same girl that got overly excited with her friend when they saw the delivery guy rolling in the cases of aloha maid cans. and also the girl that comes here waaay too often. and the girl that laughs AT (and i mean AT) our restaurant with her tita** (she wouldn't really know this word) friend, faye, every single time. what a bitch. maybe i should ask her her name. or not. maybe she's crazy. she must be if she comes here to eat this crap all the time." though, she did give me an i-know-you smile, so maybe she appreciates my presence. i don't know.

anyway, my stommy is super happy right now.

and yes, that makes it 8. and counting. don't you worry. hey -- maybe they'll make a spot in the guiness for me. :)

here's a refresher if you've never read up my blog on L & L:

the blog

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*grind: to eat

**tita (tit-uh): a very tough girl, a girl that thinks she's a guy

(no, faye does NOT think she's a guy)

l&laholics anonymous

you know it's bad when you meet someone for the first time and they say to you (FIRST words out of their mouth), "oh!!! are you the l & l girl?!" yes, that *actually* happened to me last night at the pizza joint when i ran into my friend & those words were spoken by her friend that i've only heard of... sick i tell you!

i confessed i've been there 7 times but then he said he went two days in a row. yay! so i'm not that bad. :) oh shit wait. i've done that too. crap! yikesies.

i'm just trying to embrace the hawaiian in me, that's ALL. really. i mean -- you know, um. yeah. just trying to... uh... yeah. well anyway. can we not talk about this anymore? you know, my mom actually said "da kine*!" i wanted to die laughing when i heard her say that.

if you're not from hawaii, you won't get this but there is an actual bumper sticker on all kinds of cars that reads:

PROUD TO BE HA-Y-N

of course, i would never be caught dead with one of those. unless, of course, if i wanted to make everyone i know laugh because they know that i'm soo not anything that that bumper sticker represents (yes, i'm hawaiian but that's not what i'm talking about).

so i'm an addict. what the fuck. who gives a shit. just let me be. you know, there are WORSE things to be addicted to...

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*da kine: Versatile word used to replace words that can't be remembered or are unknown while you are speaking

btw -- sorry, i know i haven't been keeping up with my pidgin-to-english translations. so i just added one to my blog 'backing up & falling down'

happy new year!!!

why i am writing a fucking blog at 3 am is beyond me (alcohol influence & i'm on california time, maybe?).... however, i just had to say that i had a wonderful new year's eve. besides the whole traveling the entire day part, it ended fabulously. i hung out with 2 friends that i haven't seen for MONTHS. post-bar we went to get pizza (and so did everyfuckingbody else in nyc), where i bumped into a friend of mine from hawaii!!! and found out that the both of us got new jobs and surely had something to cheer to... :) and got one of the most sincere phone calls i have ever gotten from a colleague (a friend as well). totally unexpected & very uplifting. (not that i need to be uplifted, as my spirits couldn't be running any higher thus far.)

so i salute to a fabulous 2005 and wish everyone a safe & happy new year.

and um. not to be a cheeseball but i'm gonna be & i'll just say it...

(i'm speaking from experience) the SECOND you get rid of all the negative things in your life, a plethora of positive events will come flowing in. so if you're hanging on to anything negative -- get the fuck rid of it. trust me on this one. i don't think i've ever been happier in my entire life. and i'm not a downer. i'm quite the "happy" person, actually... ask anyone that knows me. if you have to think twice of why this influence (no matter what it is) has to be in your life -- well then it's just time to say goodbye.

say good riddance to everything that sucks & welcome in the wonderfully good. :)

i'm just in love at the moment. no, not with anyone. just in love, literally with, the moment. and i'm going to fucking cherish it.

sorry for all the crass language but again, anyone that knows me knows that i use it very lightly and when i swear, i don't actually "mean" it. does that make any sense? i guess i use it as part of my lame humor. i don't know. i think i should just stop now.

good night. happy new year!