nostalgia

:)

who would've known that my ass would VOLUNTARILY listen to ka'au crater boys alone in my apartment when i'm 26. seriously. no, not FORCED to listen to them by the hawaii radio that only knows how to play the same fucking songs over and OVER -- not IN hawaii. no, not forced to listen because my mom is listening to them while she's watering the plants or doing laundry. and not even forced because maybe lani wants to listen to some local music -- she's NOT here.

i am 5,000 miles away from what used to be my home and jammin' it to HAWAIIAN music! holy shit. if ONLY certain people could read this. they would TRIP the fuck out -- fall to the ground even. just like i am (the tripping out part). it's like.....WHAAAA?????? jackie? jackie? the girl who'd never be caught DEAD listening to hawaiian music?????? and sooo NOT "local"???!!!!!! all of a sudden i'm embracing my "roots" i guess.... ?? my dad would be soooo *proud*...

anyway, it's just incredibly ironic that i am fucking listening to them. AND i bought kotch when i was home too. :p he he. nostalgia's fucking great...

oh, here's a clip to um... what i'm listening to. yes, you can laugh. it's okay. i laugh at myself (all the time, really) everytime i listen to it!!!! and also, remember 'heathcliff?' well, try to remember the theme song.... and then listen to 'surf'.... yeah......

surf

stupid fucking new obsession of mine.....

fucker! i'm having waaaaaaay too much fun downloading 90's music..... soooooo much fun that i have wreaked havoc on my poor little earsies!!! bitch! yep. woke up yesterday with a "murmur" in my ear -- i don't know how else to explain it... well, after some research, turns out i *think* i have tinnitus.

tinnitus is often the result of damage to the nerves in the inner ear caused by prolonged exposure to loud noise.

oops. ummmmm.... perhaps this is also an indication of me getting o-l-d, as it's not like i haven't had "prolonged exposure to loud noise" before... for crying out loud. fuck me. so i'm hoping this shit will go the fuck away real soon. fucker.

stupid new obsession. stupid nostalgia. damn the fun 90's music. all because i want to have prom. well -- at least it's gonna be the funnest prom EVER! :) SO much fun. i can hardly wait.

i fire myself

i'm obviously not doing a good job of "photographing all atrocities that come my way".... sorry. so here's a few:


WHAT is that???!!!! not quite sure what to make of it. plus there's a lime green scrunchie present............. someone please explain...


sorry if this one's boring but it was 48 degrees today. don't really think it's "open toe weather"... ??? NO.


and this lame-o "macho" man...um.... it was 45 that day. NOTICE your daughter wearing a jacket? that man/woman (??) to the left of you wearing a coat? no? i do.

while i'm posting pictures, i might as well do the rest:


the temporary cube didn't quite make it....


BEST taco place EVER! highly recommend the guaco loco!!!!!!!!!!! :) good stuff. :)

oh poor devil incarnate

fucking bitch.

bitch bitch bitch.

so the devil incarnate was finishing up her vacay in hawaii just as i was starting mine -- an overlap of 2 days, which is why i stayed with nicole in the beginning. her friend (that she's living with) stayed at my parent's house. well, my nice & normal sister will be going to hawaii in june with her friend but my mom insisted that he get a hotel. so i say to her:

me: why not? you let jen's friend stay with you guys...

mom: well, that's different. her friend is such a nice person (yeah, and apparently my sister's friend is not), he's letting her stay with him RENT FREE.

me thoughts in head: what the fuck! and WHY can't she get her own fucking apartment after NOT PAYING ANY RENT FOR FOUR FUCKING YEARS PLUS $20K IN THE BANK????!!! FUCK IF I KNOW!!!! FUCKER!

but i actually say: oh.

same shit, different story:

me: so did [devil incarnate/satan/bitch/cunt/5-year old] find a place yet?

mom: no. her friend steve has a loft and he sleeps upstairs and she sleeps downstairs in his living room. [MUCH EMPATHY ON] what choice does she have?

me wishing i could/would say the following: it's called she's THIRTY FUCKING FIVE YEARS OLD -- ABOUT TO BE 36??!!! i don't know?? maybe she should GROW THE FUCK UP AND YOU SHOULD STOP BABYING HER SO SHE CAN GROW UP?????!!! HMMMMMM???? YA THINK???? OH! let's compare! fun game. super awesome 35-year old cousin OWNS her own condo, has a VERY good job, and has FRIENDS. super awesome 35-year old that i got my apartment from is fucking BRILLIANT, has an incredibly intelligent daughter, is making an EXCELLENT living in hawaii (this is not as easily achievable as you would think), and is just an amazing person.

but i actually say: oh.

and why i can't ever say what i really want to say is beyond me (this isn't the first OR last time). this is why i think i need to enroll my so-not-shy-99%-of-the-time ass in some sorta speechie/public speaking class.... bleh. nah. no like. no need. i doing just fine. :)

trust and you get fucked

went to favorite bar last night. played foosball. know almost everyone at favorite bar. ALWAYS leave personal items hanging on hooks at favorite bar -- NEVER had a problem.

well, there was one last night. my dumb-overly-trusting-ass got my shit stolen last night. and in the end, it's just me to blame. damn me for thinking there's good in EVERYone. for being so damn trusting. damn me for being so...STUPID! i mean, really, how stupid can one be??!!!!!!! fucking a.

well, fortunately for me, i decided to empty out my little wristlet a bit a couple of days ago so my wristlet wouldn't look too ridiculous while on my date (a fun/good one, i might add). so the ol' amex wasn't in there. BUT there was my hawaii driver's license -- which...fuck if i know how i'm going to get that one back, seeing as i can't go on vacay for a year... along with my debit and my BRAND SPANKING NEW MONTHLY metrocard!!!! I JUST bought it YESTERDAY!!!! FUCKOLA!!!!!!!!

my superly duperly awesome cousin went to the atm and gave me $100 and her metrocard -- something the devil incarnate would never do... can't they just trade places???!!!!! (just found out some new dirt on devil incarnate -- so blogging about it later.)

funny thing is, i grabbed my old wallet this morning and lo and behold...found my fucking social security card that i thought was lost FOREVER! AND the weird one:

so on friday at my very new job on my very first day, i saw this girl i knew from school and she was there for an interview! so we chatted a bit and i thought to myself, i hope i still have her email somewhere, as i'd like to reconnect/ask how her interview went.

well........her fucking email address was just sitting pretty in my wallet that i haven't touched in hmmm......say......2 years??!!!! or more!!!!!

so it turns out it wasn't so bad after all. next time (but there won't be a next) i should listen to my intuition!!! i looked back at said wristlet (apparently for the last time) and thought, i should grab it. but no, i went against it (intuition) and left my wristlet there, all alone. probably dying a slow death in the stinky, smelly new york city trash somewhere now. having a sad, miserable, pitiful life. pissed at me for being so STUPID!

piss-y girl

i'm trying to build up my tolerance for liquids -- FUN times............... i don't drink enough water and have been criticized by ENOUGH people to know that i should do something about it.

WELL!!! the reason i DON'T drink a well of water a day is because my loser fucking body can't hold any of it in!!!! i piss like a million times a day. SERIOUSLY. i know i can't get that 8 fucking glasses in my body everyday so i'm trying to be a little better by buying that fricken 1.5 liter bottle in the morning and hope that i can finish it by the time i go to bed.

motherbitch. do i piss a LOT. i mean, i thought it was a problem before but lordie lord. i'm sure my co-workers think i have a disease! i swear my ass walks to that cramped, icky bathroom like every 10 minutes. bejeezus!!!!

"you need to build up your tolerance, jackie. you need to drink more water."

BLAH BLAH BLAH. fuck me for listening. fucking shit. stupid water. stupid crappy bladder system of mine. what for? doesn't work, obviously. the thing is broken. all is do is piss piss piss. piss. and piss. and piss piss. and pissa pissa piss.

piss.

going to play foosball now. :)

need your help

BEST party idea EVER! it is:

PROM '05

now i need your help with the theme song. cheeseola songs need apply only. seriously.

it's gonna be the best.....night.....EVER! right down to booty prom music (well, i need help in getting some of that), tacky prom dresses and ALL. my peoples will get their prom photo(s) emailed to them (and they'll obviously be posted on my blog). if you've never been to your prom, now's your chance to make up for it!

shooting for end of april.

who's coming?

and i need a date. who's gonna be my victim? in the past, all who have attended any sort of "function" with me have been completely ABANDONED. except for...hmm.....maybe 3 dates -- out of 11. but i promise you, future date, you will be my [prom] king of the night! :)

oof

ha! i was showing stacy around my blog the other day and said:

me: oh! you have to see this one. [direct her to it]

stacy: oof. they have a painting of that?

me: [why is she not laughing?] yeah. wait, you don't think that's funny? they have oof!

stacy: why, do they not call it oof there?

me: HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for real, you thought that was a real word?

stacy: [laughing] yeah!

me: omg. i HAVE to tell lani. so funny.

so you see folks, it's not just me. i knew that one.... that doesn't say much but...

oh and just in case you've never seen that blog, oof = sexual intercourse (yes, please!)

30 second interview

THIRTY seconds. yes, as in HALF a minute. that's how long my job interview was today. remember how i said that my teacher (slash everything) sent my resume to someone? well, i went on that interview today. before i went in, i decided that i was gonna be completely honest about my abilities, as it has just recently been brought to my attention that the reason i've never tried for a fashion job is because i'm deathly afraid of the interviewing process. why? because you have to be able to fucking draw. i've been sewing for 16 years and know how to do EVERYTHING BUT very well.

so i said to myself: self, just be honest -- if you lie to them about your abilities, you'll just be fucking yourself in the ass if you get hired. if they don't like what you have for them, so be it. it's not like you'll need this job for gratification, as you have your business that you refuse to run.

btw -- i had to run and buy a suit 45 minutes before i had to leave for the interview!! i forgot that mindi had/has the bottom half of my suit (the other one currently doesn't fit and the other other one was given to goodwill when i quit ru and the 2 that i made aren't "interview appropriate" and the other other other one -- i just don't like it). oops.

let me set the scenario for you: interviewer is chowing on a turkey on white sandwich (but mad because it was supposed to be rye) and says:

dude: okay, show me what you got. [chew, chew, chew]

me: um. do you even have my resume?

dude: um, no, i don't think so. i've never seen it.

i take it out and he doesn't even LOOK at it. instead, he continues to eat his turkey on white.

me: okay. well, i'm just gonna be honest. i'm not a good drawer.. [interrupted]

dude: what? but that's what we need!

me: i know, but i just have to be honest with you because i don't want to get myself into trouble. BUT i can make it all come to life, i'm VERY good at that. [show him some pictures -- he doesn't even look, btw]

dude: i don't need that, we have factories. [pause] well, you'd basically be going back and forth between design and production. would you be interested in putting together production packets?

me: yeah.

dude: would you want to be a design assistant for x dollars?

me: yeah (thinking he's fucking joking).

dude: okay, you're hired!

me: [retardedly SHOCKED look on face] huh? are you serious?

dude: yeah!

me: oh. okay! fabulous!

so he introduces me to a few people and tells them that they're gonna have to train me how to do EVERYTHING (including drawing & illustrator). ?? weird. thought they want people that CAN do EVERYTHING... ??

and i start tomorrow.

you see, honesty is totally the best fucking policy EVER!

:)

looks like i owe the ol' teach a big fat thanks AGAIN.

and this time, i WON'T be emailing... :p

your tits are bigger than mine!

(re-posting because i re-read and realized that it sounded like i was calling will fat -- he is just SUPER BUFF. oops. my bad. apologies.)

that's what i said to my friend will. imagine how much i made his ego inflate when i kept repeating/doing the following:

(pardon the bad english/hawaii pidgin)

me: ho* will, i think your tits are bigger than mine! [i grab both of them with my hands] yup, they are. shit. teach me how to get bigger boobs. i want bigger boobs. [my eyes roam about his body] ho, you so big will. i think you got huger.

(will is sheepishly smiling the whole time)

will: no i didn't. i'm the same size i was since the last time you saw me.

me: NO you are not. [MUCH emphasis on the following] you're waaay HUGER. what size you, triple x?

will: no, i'm a medium.

me: medium my ASS!

the next night when we were all out, i again pretty much repeated the boobs conversation up there but this time, i pulled his shirt tight to show the boobie definition and then compared my [lack of] boobs with his (side-by-side) and said:

me: yep, they're definitely bigger. so jealous. what the fuck, you fucka.

and then i demonstrated to everyone we were with and said:

me (non-boobie girl with fucked up tan ON boobies): ho, try look, will's boobs are bigger than mine, yeah?

everyone just laughs and pretty much agrees... :p

------------------

*ho: japanese pidgin exclamation used before any very emotional statement

(too bad swimming doesn't help boobies grow, because i finally got my fat lazy ass to go this morning!!! :) 20 laps baby!!! awww yeeeaaahhh.)

a few of my favorite things

bliss


a malasada is the equivalent to a krispy kreme -- devilishly bad and good at the same time


apple bananas!!!! :) it took 3 of us to saw that shit off...

i've dissapointed someone

super ex tells me yesterday, "of all my friends, josh is the one that's dissapointed in you the most." (that's actually pretty shocking if you knew josh.)

me: REALLY? oh. weird.

super ex: he asked about your business and i told him that you put it on hold and he said:

[their conversation]

josh: what the fuck, is she stupid? she had all that momentum going and now she has to start all over again.

super ex: yeah, i know, she never listened to me for 5 years, so whatever.

josh: well, why'd she stop?

(here comes the funny part)

super ex: for a job.

josh: well is she still working there?

super ex: no. (ha! ha hahahahahahaha yes, no i am not because i am a fucking moron)

josh: well then....

so josh (and all my other super supportive friends), i say to you, i am trying my damnedest to get back on my feet. i have done more yesterday than i have in MONTHS for my business. i am still one scared fuck but fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. fuck it. i'd rather fail by trying than by sleeping it away. so the end is NOT here yet, just a little..........??........um.....????? okay, not even going to bother with trying to come up with something clever. i'm too old to be a dumbshit anymore. i at least recognize that one of my faults is that i can be one lazy fuck and i'm trying to change that. (and i think i'm doing well so far -- i went swimming again this morning!!!)

it pays to be nice

and this is the reward i get for being a nice, decent person.

i got this email from my ex boss (that FIRED me)/teacher/what not:

HI JAckie

I just gave your resume to a friend , her name is Ivette, let me know
how it turns out.

clearly people believe in me -- if only i could carry that same belief that everyone has for me in myself... !!!!

my cousin, who is a senior designer for a fashion company, ALWAYS calls ME for portfolio advice when she's preparing for job interviews. being a senior designer, you wouldn't think she'd even bother to ask her scatterbrainola/retarded/good-for-nothing/lolo* cousin that's worked in the fashion industry for a MONTH before she got fired for EMAILING...

i think it's gonna take a miracle for me to start believing in myself. thank god there's everyone else. so thank you, all my fantabulous lovelies -- clearly i'd be in the gutter if it weren't for you all. :)

----------------

*lolo: stupid

psycho ex-fucking-boyfriends

do you have one? i pity you if you do.

nothing worse than being out and your friend's trip is totally killed because the stupid ex ruins it for her... i am so fortunate to not have a psycho ex but a super good friend instead. s said to me, "why can't [doucheball] be more like [super ex]?" i respond, "yeah, i know, [super ex] is a good ex."

and for those of you that don't know me, stop your roaming thoughts right there. WE DO NOT WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER. just because we work as friends, it does NOT in ANY way mean that we work as "lovers." (even the thought of it actually repulses me.) of course he'll always be special to me, how can he not -- we were together for 4.5 years, even if it was 2.5 over what it should've been.

not that my friends aren't supportive of me, but he is probably the most supportive in regards to my business. he promotes the fucking thing more than i do. he talks to strangers about it. he even promotes it when he's out traveling somewhere. probably believes in me more than i actually do, quite honestly.

but that doesn't mean that he should be my boyfriend. we sooo don't work that way. AT ALL.

i just felt he deserved some props on my blog because he is a great guy (just not the great guy for me). i would in a second introduce him to a new boyfriend, that's how much of a concern/threat he is NOT. and actually, he probably knows exactly what i need more than i do! ha! so he would probably evaluate and tell me yay or nay. and i would probably do the same with a new girlfriend for him, too. that would be fun, actually. :) i do hope i get to meet the eventual new gf.

porky pig

yours truly is TRULY a porker. truly. i had to switch out my little suitcase for my mom's big suitcase so that i could fit ALL MY FOOD.... :) i swear to god i probably brought back at least $300 worth of food home with me -- probably closer to $400, to be honest. (and if the suitcase weight limit didn't go down to 50 pounds from 75, i would've brought back MORE. and btw, 50 pounds is such a bullshit weight limit -- you can BARELY pack anything for 50 pounds, don't you agree?) i had so much food that i almost had to mail my clothes home. can't help it if i love good food. i mean, is that such a bad thing? i don't think so. :)

although it wasn't all that much fun to pull my 62.5 and 50.5 pound suitcases full of food up the stairs, even if it was only one flight... BUT...i came to the conclusion that it was a good thing that my name was on the "government security watch list" because it provided as a distraction for my overweight suitcase. :)

here's a conversation i had at the airport:

woman: what time is it?

me: 9:23 [p.m.]

woman: one hour left. do you go to church?

me: no.

woman: you should go to church. i go to church. i'm christian. you should start. go to church this sunday.

me: [freaked out smile] yeah....

saved by a phone call from my sister.

accountant revisted

so i finally did it, i called my accountant. and just like i predicted she would, she yelled at me (in a nice way). in fact, this is how the phone call went:

accountant: jackie, can i start by yelling at you?

me: um. yeah, i know, i told you you would. of course you can.

accountant: you sure?

me: yes...

accountant: okay good. [yelling]

well, she's got some nice yelling, if that's what she calls "yelling"...

though i did get a compliment. :) she and a colleague complimented me on how organized i am. so at least there's that, right? :) i'm not such a nightmare after all.

anyway, THANK GOD accountants exist. i mean, what would we do without them? i didn't think i'd get anything back and i wrote in my letter to her, "do whatever you can so that i don't get audited." so she told me, "we don't want you to get audited and i see that you obviously know that you could. we're going to get you back everything without getting audited." FABULOUS! LOVE her.

and guess what, they'll (my returns) be waiting for me when i get back to sign at the x and mail away and all before april 15th. :)

wanna know something sick though? after tabulating all of my receipts (it took me about 2 whole days) for 2004, i found that i spent 3x as much as i made (rent & utilities included)!!!

the simple life

i wish i could be content with a life like this: live on the north shore of oahu, go to the beach everyday, and hang out with friends at night. goddamn these pipe dreams of mine. i mean, they probably really are pipe dreams. i'm starting to lose faith in my abilities. why can't it just be easy where i could move back to hawaii and work with my friend nicole and make choke* bank, live on the north shore and simply "take it easy?"

i'm really just a scared little girl inside. i'm afraid to piss of my contractor, so i let him push me to the side. i'm afraid to call stores, so i don't. i'm so ridiculously afraid of rejection, which is probably why i'm not giving my 100%. or maybe i am? maybe i'm capped out and this is as good as it gets.

like marissa, i too, believe that everything happens for a reason. what that reason is for what's happening to me right now, i obviously will not find out until later but...FUCK!!! hurry up and let me know for crying out loud.

because honestly, that option up there sounds a lot better than what's going on right now so if i don't see the reasoning for what's been happening soon...

anyway, can we say pity-party-for-jackie? gees. i sound so pathetic. i hope you're not still reading this.....

--------------------

*choke: plenty; a lot. not sure if "choke bank" is pidgin, i know "choke" is. well, if it is: A LOT of money.

tub bath

to everyone but the people of the 50th state, that sounds retarded, right? well. i was just recently teased by two people just by the mention of wanting to take a "tub bath." and i explained that hawaii peopolos use the word "bath" for shower and "tub bath" when they're taking a "tub" bath. make sense?

well. i'm soooo happy that i heard my mom say this, especially since she's a retired teacher:

"i'm so tired that i think i'm going to take a tub bath."

HA! so you see people, i am NOT dumb. it's just.......hawaii people have their own retarded language -- that's actually true and if you've been reading my blog, you'd know that.

:p

spreading my illness on the plane

they have maui tacos at newark airport...a bit scary

i don't know if i could trust...the last time i went to maui tacos in ny, i had their fish tacos and oh...let me just say that they ARE NOT THE SAME. i think i actually felt sick after...i'd rather not know what kind of fish they use...


empty plane...how sad that there is no one traveling to hawaii -- they DEPEND on tourism....


rafts are the best EVER!!!!!!!!!!


how do you know that you want to become a coconut tree trimmer (dude had to literally climb the tree) "when you grow up?"


apple bananas (obviously not ripe yet)

it took me awhile to be able to eat regular bananas, as i never really did until i moved to ny. and i wouldn't even finish them at first for a LONG time because they suck so much in comparison to apple bananas. these are seriously the BEST bananers EVER.

i'm a terrorist

my name was on the government security watch list... because i'm so scary, right?!

airborne

just like i am the only one that could lactate from birth control, i am probably also the only one that pukes 30 hours after taking airborne. took it because my frequent flyer friend said he uses it all the time and swears by it. i'm sure a lot of people do...but no, i'm the only loser that pukes her fucking guts out from it.

how do i know it was the airborne i puked out after 30 hours you ask? because it looked AND tasted like it.

awwww yeeeeaaahhhhh

just checked the weather. 81 degrees is the high every single fucking day!!!! :) AND NO rain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i gonna be one dark ass biatch when i get back. :p

soooo not gonna miss this:


this is from my apt. window (sorry it's blurry -- camera phone & it was at night)

but i will miss:


it will be my mission to find a bar with a foosball table, but i honestly don't think i will succeed

dogsitting

there's no one else that i'd rather have watch her
(those are mindi's hands)

update: mindi just blogged about the same EXACT thing! :)