everything's gonna be alright

well, thanks to snow, class was cancelled at the last minute. BUT i at least talked to x on the phone and i now realize that there's absolutely NOTHING to be afraid of. after some small talk, he says:

"well, have a nice time and we will catch up when you get back because i have a lot of propositions for you."

so at least i can be at peace and not worry about x while i'm away. :)

friends

i would seriously die without them. not kidding.

liz: so we decided that we need to give you a pep talk and get you excited again because, jackie, you are so talented and i don't want you to get discouraged. just think about all those famous designers -- they all have stories like this.

me: thanks. i know. well, i'm finally starting to come out of this.

liz: well, you do deserve to go through this, as it is a bit traumatic. [pause] have you been going to stores and stuff?

me: of course not!

liz: well, you know, it's actually not that hard now that i've been doing it a lot more. it gets easier. (she just came back from a trip to florida & got new 3 new accounts).

me: well, i'm hoping to regain my umpf while in hawaii. i'm seeing x tonight because i don't want it to wait until i get back. i don't want him bringing me back down (the ex boss/teacher/everything -- yeah, it didn't happen on friday).

liz: that's good. you need to talk to him. [pause] i'm going to badger you when you get back because really, you have so much talent. i still can't believe that you can make all of that stuff and now it's just about getting you out there. we'll even make the calls for you.

me: okay, i'm counting on it (badgering). thanks, liz.

really, what would we do without friends?

hawaiian salt

is basically sea salt but better because it's you know, hawaiian. :p ha ha.

anyway....so if this isn't a classic example of just how lazy my fucking fat ass can be.........

made another batch of my cookies -- that according to mindi, "t would leave me for you if you keep making those cookies" (or something like that). (i like being the third wheel so i have to buy my way into that relationship somehow.)

so you know, i cut up the chocolate & the coconut (new addition, but you can't taste it anyway) and the pecans (in the grinder) but someone is too fucking lazy to grab the stool from her closet so she can reach the salt up on the top shelf of the cabinet. so hey, i grab the easy access (i use it for/in everything) hawaiian salt. you know -- me thinking, well, it's better than regular salt anyway so why not AND salt is salt.

WELL. yeah.

mindi: hmm....there's a weird crunch and i think it's the salt....[pause]....mmmmm, yup. it is.

me: FUCK! NOOOO!!! dammit!!!! and you wanna know the truth -- it's because i was too fucking lazy to get the regular salt!!!!! it's too high!!!

lesson learned.

oops.

just wanna make sure your taste buds still work, you know? always thinking of you guys. :) did it just for you ALL. :) yep. uh huh. mm hmm...

PROOF that the sister IS the devil incarnate!!!

so my sister called home to get our aunty's address so we can finally send her thank you's for christmas (i know, it's fucking almost march....i was never good with sending these on time. BUT! i'm obviously not alone).

devil incarnate is visiting parents right now

[phone rings]

devil incarnate: hello?

my sister: [thinking: who's this? oh shit. i called the wrong number.]

hangs up because she doesn't recognize the voice

[calls back]

devil incarnate: hello?

my sister: oh! sorry jen, i didn't recognize your voice (to my sister's credit -- they DON'T talk...EVER). it's alison. i want to talk to mom.

devil incarnate: OH

and she fucking HANGS UP THE PHONE ON HER!!!

so then my sister calls back and the fucking devil incarnate bitch doesn't answer the phone.........

SEE!!!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU SHE'S THE DEVIL INCARNATE!!!

FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!

sunglasses at night

WHAT did i say about that. huh? HUH?

if only the camera had flash or something -- i could've gotten a picture of that lame-o guy at jake's... DAMMIT!!! the dumbass was wearing his sunglasses IN the bar ALL night...

so that would've been stupid person #1....

scariest day of my LIFE

and that is today.

meeting with the ex boss-slash-teacher-slash-everything tonight. SCARE-EEEEEEEEEE. gosh. i don't know if i'll be able to do it. i might turn around when i get to the door. i don't really want to hear what he has to say, i'd much rather just put that behind me but i suppose i can't go back home without knowing the full reason. but what if i come out of there feeling WORSE??!!! and then i get set back in this wicked-nasty state of mine AGAIN?!! i'm sorta coming out of it and i don't want to go back in...

!!!!!!! panic. scream. yelp. fear. scared shitless. pee in my pants. i want to die. just beat me with a stick now.

i just might have the cutest dog EVER

here she is with my matching cell phone charm of her

new job

i have a new job.

no, not a paying one.

i have proclaimed it my duty to photograph all atrocities that come my way. for instance -- today i saw this woman wearing BABY PINK VELVET pants, a faux mink jacket & was carrrying a PRIMARY ORANGE handbag. UMMMMMM...yeah... if only the woman didn't turn left (something derek zoolander can't do) into starbucks, i would've gotten that shot. i wasn't quick enough.... [dammit!!!]

so yes, this is my new job. :) and i don't have to keep this one a secret from you. i'm sure you'll actually be quite amused -- as long as i come across at least one stupid person a day. :)

diet

WOAH! i can't believe i just said that...

it's just... i'm afraid when stacy picks me up from the airport, she won't recognize me and i'll be shouting out, "stacy! stacy! STAAAAACCCCCYYYYY!!!!!!" and she'll look at me like i'm some psychopath she doesn't know....

that's my fear. that i have ballooned to be such an elephant hippopotamus, that my friends won't recognize me.

diet. crap. gawd. just that word sends tingles down my spine.

diet. !!!! ick!!!!

isn't there an easier way?

oh right, it's called i should exercise too.. WELL IF THE FUCKING POOL I GO TO WASN'T 60 BLOCKS AWAY, MAYBE I WOULD.

at least being brown gives an illusion that you're thinner.... :p i'll just fucking tan the shit out of my skin. eew. that sounds gross too. crap. i'm screwed. fat4life.

blehicky day

cramps + organizing receipts for 2004 (YES, this IS hard. AND i have to break it all down in excel....!!!!) + pms thoughts = crappy

sun, sand & friends

in a week, i will get my ass out of my i-am-one-pathetic-fuck state. or at least, i hope so. flying 11 hours in the hopes of regaining my old self. this is where i'll be going every single day that i am there, weather permitting:

ko olina resort

me + ko olina lagoon(s) + raft + friends + cooler full of drinkies & FOOD + music + mat (that i need to remember to pack) + sand to buff my dry & tired feet (i miss not being able to buff my feet in the sand) + sun + those kona winds that i *oh* so miss = one refreshed & happy jackie

if i weren't so fat right now, i'd do before & after pictures -- to show you just how dark i can get. i was one dark kid, i tell ya. i ain't got hawaiian in me for nothin'....

i'll post some pictures with my *new* camera phone... :) speaking of which -- THANK god for infrared.... do you know that i manually entered all the a's - g's into my phone?!!! because sprint doesn't have sim cards... ugh... but then...... i discovered the magical infrared!!!! woo hoo!!!! (of course, i wanted to beat myself at this point) the rest was a breeze... :)

sick to my stummy

(warning: this is a LONG one)

you know what makes me sick? me. i make myself sick. know why? because:

i have a better eye and better products than A LOT of people, yet whose business is thriving? NOT mine. WHY? because i'm a fuck. while up until 3:30 - 4:00 am some morning ago, i saw a HORRIBLE episode of this new AWFUL talk show (there's nothing else on during that time slot) and on comes this "single 32-year old mom that started her dream handbag business from nothing and is now a multi-millionaire." well, of course i couldn't miss this, so i had to watch it. ........

well....

PUKE! how the fuck is it that she can become a multi-millionaire off of VINYL bags?!! oh not just VINYL bags, BUT PEARLESCENT vinyl bags. i mean, are we not in 2005 now?!!!!!!!!! swear we are. i don't know. AND this is no diss to china, because trust me, i am sooo going there in a second to get my shit made -- but they actually look like they were "made in china," when "made in china" was a negative thing (i'm sure it still is to a lot of people but you know what -- get over it. they fucking manufacture EVERYthing. probably 90% of [the job that i got fired from] x's goods are made there. and they actually turn out QUALITY shit. seriously. i was hands down ready to quit making anything myself after seeing what they can turn out).

so why is it that the gawd-awful PEARLESCENT VINYL bags can make this woman a multi-millionaire and my super luxurious LEATHER fancy-shmancy bags can't make me one? perhaps i'm the one that is wrong about doing luxury. i get it that price point is an issue, especially after catching lucky magazine on qvc the other day. yes, i did see lucky on there. it was called 'lucky shops qvc,' and NO, i was NOT watching qvc. i was flipping channels while in my feel-sorry-for-me-because-i'm-one-pathetic-fuck moment (of momentS).

yes, i know, feeling "sorry for myself" is going to do absolutely NOTHING for me. but just let me ride it out, as i know it will pass and i will once again, be on top of the world in no time. as marissa has said to me, "if good things keep happening for you, you'd never appreciate anything." which is totally fucking true. i was starting to take for granted that great shit kept coming my way, and that was probably obvious, which is why it all got taken away from me and now i'm here. here in my i'm-one-shit-of-a-fuck place...

i know what needs to be done and that is: become a better businesswoman. because a great product means absolutely nothing. and proof is, that vinyl bag lady. and she's just one of MANY. so back to the drawing board. so i give up my dreams of being the luxury-x-bag-lady, but i can still be the superly-duperly-awesome-x-bag-lady. besides, it's cheaper for me that way. almost a challenge, really. yikes. i can't believe i just said that, that's actually a major challenge. FUCK.

fairway

for the very *first* time, i've had a nice cashier at fairway!!! she:

smiled

said "how are you"

SAID MY TOTAL (woah!!! all you fellow nyers know exactly what i'm talking about, right? they NEVER give you your total)

said "thank you, have a nice night"

woah. that was a shocker. so i told her:

thanks for being the nicest cashier i've ever had at fairway

and she smiled and said, "thanks."

and that's all it takes folks, see how easy that is???!!!

:)

adult a.d.d.

just saw a commercial for it.

think i have it.

hi, my name is jackie. i am a self-diagnosed adult add-er.

you've got one scatterbrain of a head

admissions girl: well, you were accepted into the program for spring...[pause]....but you didn't attend?

me: yeah, i had other stuff going on (it's called the x job that i got fired from for EMAILING)

ag: oh...and i see here you were doing accessories.........did you finish that?

me: [ashamed] no (but it's only because the making-the-shoes part didn't interest me!!!!! i LOVE all the OTHER aspects of it!!!)

ag: oh wow and back here you have fashion design.

me: I FINISHED THAT!!!

ag: you've got a lot going on here.

me: i know.

ag: so what do you want to do now?

me: well, what i really want to do is the 1-year advertising & marketing communications program, but it's closed.

ag gets out a 'reactivate application' form for me.

well, if that wasn't a classic example of WHAT a scatterbrain retard i am.... yikes. i should REALLY ask her how much money i've given to fit. you know, it's not my fault they've got soooo many wonderful programs AND they're a state school ($121/credit) AND i have a learning addiction.... you know, who's really to blame here?

if i could just be a student at fit for the rest of my life, i would. let me just list you all the cool programs that i would LOVE to do:

jewelry design (and this is not BEADING -- ANYONE can do that. this is actually doing wax carvings, soldering, working with the metals -- all but gold, etc.)
toy design -- need i say MORE?
home products development (yes, as in furniture)
restoration (it's exactly what you think it is)

and of course, accessories design, and i want to do adv. & mktg. comm. for my own purposes -- so that i can earn myself my own press (i always was and always will be a do-it-yourselfer).

there's a ton more -- you know what, i think it's safe to say that the fit catalog is my bible....

so i'm a fit loser for life. i'm not ashamed to admit it. fit is a great fucking school (minus the administration).

electric toothbrushes

are amazing!!! i HIGHLY recommend you get one. working at bs, i was skeptic that my co-workers were just trying to sell the stupid thing to get more money. i mean, the fricken thing isn't cheap...

so anyway, i saw the famed toothbrush at costco, probably a slight step up from the one at bs and HALF the price, of course.

WELL....i am a FIRM believer in the electric!!!! OMG! from the very FIRST time i used the thing my teeth felt soooooo cleanER!!!! stacy & lani kept trying to tell me years ago to get one but i'm a blah friend and never listened... well, now i'm being stacy & lani and telling YOU all to get one!!! they are the bestest things EVER. BEST! EVER! and you CAN travel with them too, so not to worry. fully charged, they last for 45 minutes w/o recharging (or at least the one that i have).

anyway, run out and get yours now! now! :)

mid-life crisis

i really AM going through a mid-lifer right now!!!

I JUST FOUND MY FIRST WHITE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KILL ME NOW! PLEASE! I WANT TO DIE! (just kidding, really. not being literal here)

but really, aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm an oldfuckingmaid.

mother

me: i want to use my miles to come back because i'm so uninspired and for some odd reason, i always get inspired when i'm in hawaii (the real truth is that i'm probably going through a mid-life crisis right now -- i know, what a drama queen...).

mom: have you looked for a job? [pause] why don't you let jen move in, she'll pay half the rent, you know.

[if you could've seen my face....PAUSE.....]

me: WHAT does THAT have to do with me being uninspired?!!!!

mom: it doesn't. she's looking for a place now and you should help her out.
FYI to you [the reader] and mom: SHE KNEW SHE HAD TO FIND A NEW FUCKING APARTMENT SINCE JULY OF 2004.

[holding back on the stupid i-want-to-ball-my-fucking-eyes-out-gasp]

me: I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

mom: okay, BYE!
note: she said "okay, bye!" in a VERY cheerful manner.

BITCH!

i am soo fucking pissed. i really want a divorce now. really. NOW!

all she is really doing is decreasing her chances on making me let that fucking devil incarnate move in.

from now on, every time i get a call from "private number," i am SO not answering it!!!!

mrs. willy wonka

so i can't keep a job BUT i can bake... :)

see mindi's blog:

heavenly creation

and her boyfriend's post-ate-a-jackie-cookie comment:

Jackie's cookie was pretty fuckin' unbelievable.  There's more at
home, right?

and NOW it's time for ALIAS!!!! BEST.......SHOW.......EVER!!!!!! and screw you all you non-alias watchers!!!!!

:)

negativity

what does one do when the root source of all negativity existent in her life is actually coming from her very own family? it's not like you can "dump" them as you can do to bf's/gf's and sometimes friends. and as we all know, it's not something that you can just easily "deal with" or "handle" -- your family doesn't just "go away."

for example, i told my mother the other night when she tried to force me to let the THIRTY FIVE-year old sister move in "TEMPORARILY" (temporary my ASS!) that i would jump off the GW bridge and kill myself because if it's not that, she will be one daughter-less either way. one of us is gonna dissapear off the face of the earth and rather than taking someone's life and end up in prison, i'd rather kill MYself.

and just to reiterate how bad it is, my sister, al, said in response to that: "you better not, because that would mean that i'd be forced to make jen a bridesmaid, so i will resurrect you and put you back in the ground myself."

and if you don't know me, that might sound harsh or even demented. i wish i could say that this person i have to call a sister is someone that really exists only as a myth, a figment of my imagination, etc., as EVERYONE i know has NEVER met her. of course, a lot of my friends back in hawaii have, but not one single person in ny has. she is the devil incarnate. whoops, that was i lie, i just remembered that jonah met her and ask him yourself what he thinks of her. even ask my ex-boyfriend. ask my cousin.

my mom said, "i don't know how i raised my daughters to not get along." my response: "I GET ALONG WITH AL JUST FINE."

hi, hello mom, if i were a bitch, i would say a lot more to you but i'm not. but what i would say is WHY DOESN'T YOUR DAUGHTER HAVE FRIENDS, why does my cousin, joelle, dislike her as well, why is it that EVERY time i go to her job, she's the ONLY one sitting by herself. why, at 35, can she NOT find a place of her own when SHE HAS $20,000 SAVED??!!!!!!!! HMM???? HMMMMM??? tell me, please. enlighten me. (i could go on for hours, btw)

i know this is making me sound absolutely insane but if you [the reader] think so, then that just means that you don't know [even half a toe of] me.

motherballs

FUCKING SHIT ASS BITCH! FUCK I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BEYOND IRRITATED!!!!!!!!!!
SONOFAMOTHERITCHCRAPSHITFUCKCUNTBALLSASS

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

unemployment

filling out the app online (i know it sounds crazy but my cousin convinced me to try and heck, it couldn't hurt -- if they say no, they say no, at least i tried), came across this question:

5. Other than part-time work, on-call work, or owning a single-family rental unit, do you have a business or are you engaged in any activity which brings in or may bring in income?

hmmm...how do i answer this? can't lie....um, let me look up what they mean:

Engaged in any activity:
You are ineligible for unemployment insurance on any day in which you perform any services in employment or self-employment regardless of whether you are paid for these services.

well. now do i even bother applying? seeing as i'm about to get a check as soon as i bill my freelance gig for that project i did about 2 weeks ago.... and i'm working on one for them now.... soooooooo.......and i always will have my thing going... [DAMN me for being such an honest person!!!] hmmmmmm....what to do, what to do....

so i stopped and decided that i'd come back to it later. after i get some advice from my hr friend.

and on a side note: WHY do people do unemployment apps at the office? why can't everyone be smart like me and fill this shit out online??!!!

bestest friend EVER

yours truly has done well. very well. i used all but 28 minutes.... :) what a good friend indeed. :)

i'd just like to make a few complaints totally off subject:

coffee pots:

wtf. where the FUCK do they get these "three scoops for every four cups" -- when the shit is done brewing, it's NOT 4 cups, but rather the equivalent to 2 CUPS. or, if you like those jumbo-sized cups, ONE. so WHERE on earth do they get these standard "cup" sizes. i mean, seriously. who do you know that drinks an actual 1-cup serving of coffee according to the stupid pot? anyone? ANYONE? no, right? no. IM-possible. (okay, and no, it's not the equivalent of a "cup," i just checked with my cute little measuring cup and poured it into my coffee pot. mmmm.....NOPE, not the same. in fact, 2 cups of water = the what would be 3 1/3 cup line on my coffee pot so what does THAT mean??)

and now to serving sizes for EVERYTHING:

they are THE most UNrealistic bullshit crap sizings EVER! yes, i'm a fat pig, but do you really want to make me feel even fatTER by making me realize that i HAVE to double your "serving size" EVERY TIME in order to be half-satisfied??? i mean, come on... what bull. could we please increase that totally unrealistic "serving size" crap... l&l's serving size must be about 10 according to this "standard." such bull. bull. bull. bull. what crackhead prick made that up anyway?

oh and then comes my favorite:

"i'm a vegan/vegetarian"

WELL WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EAT FAKE MEAT???!!!! am i the only one that thinks that sounds ludicrous? or explain to me, if you will, of why i'm being a jackass for thinking so... i mean, it's just, when i was a "vegetarian" [thoughts running in my head: good lord! wtf! ick. what a fucking stupid moronic youngen i was. IDIOT! i cringe when i have to admit that i thought i was a ....ve.......vege............vegefuckatarian!!!], i DID NOT eat fake meat. i thought it was hypocritical and if you're gonna ixnay on the animals, then how is it okay to eat fake animals? really? and not only that, but the thought of eating anything that resembled animals really kind of repulsed me. could someone just explain it to me, i'm just not smart enough to get it. thanks much.

i should really make this a new post because i could go OFF on this topic -- in regards to ixnaying all animal products. FYI -- they are used in EVERYthing. let's just say, even if you *think* there's no leather/animals involved, TRUST ME, I would know, that there indeed IS. sometimes you just can't always SEE it. okay, so maybe i will do a new post. not now, but soon.

best message EVER!!!

woken up by my thrashing tummy -- i believe it's because i had about 2 1/2 glasses of guava juice....I KNOW. not supposed to have too much of it. but i couldn't help it. so yummy. so reminds me of home. and btw, i'm trying to heal it right now with cranberry apple tea and a bananer, but it's NOT working. i can't even EAT the bananer!!! so sad. just the tea. and i still feel like ick.

oh sorry, back to the message....so i got this lovely message today via myspace and it definitely made me smile. smile, knowing that my retarded blogs are at least somewhat halfway decent to at least one person (stop it m, m & j! you guyses are me friends and read it out of OBLIGATION, right?):

jackie, I love to read your blogs...I just read it for the 2nd time today. I read it first when you just started it up. man a lot has happened already. I'd rather read your blogs than a book. it's so very interesting. I can't believe though you got fired for emailing. and I stopped reading up to the part you seen someone wash their kids hand with snow. that is fucked. I would never do that to my kids. unreal.

back to the tummy -- i wish i could describe the pain. it's not sore gotta-go-to-the-bathroom tummy. i thought it was i'm-hungry tummy. no. it's so weird. so how on earth does one cure the i-have-no-idea-what's-wrong-with-my-tummy tummy? i mean, i KNOW why but cure?? no clue.

oh and then i get a message from ma:

Dad and I are still proud of you.  No matter what. We still thing (she meant think) better things are in your future. x (edited for censorship reasons -- oh come on, i BARELY censor anything. gees. just this once) is one of your stepping stones. OK?

of course, ma doesn't know the real reason why and i played it off like i was the victim in all of this but...that was nice anyway. :)

accountant

i am so completely terrified of calling my accountant... i know i have to do it soon because if i don't, she's going to tell me she's NOT doing my taxes, as i have SO MUCH CRAP for 2004. i've already been charged $50 more than the norm last year because i "had a lot." well, if i "had a lot" last year.......hmpf.....well...um.....she...uh...yikes...yeah........crap. she might be like, "we just raised our rate to $1,000. you can handle that, right?" fuck. i'm so scared. i *meant* to organize all my receipts for her, i swear i did. SWEAR! but...one month goes by...then two...then five...then eight...then it's 2005...shit! oh worse..now it's FEBRUARY of 2005.....

granted, the woman got me a shitload of money back last year so whatever she wants to charge me is soooooooo worth it. but i'm just scared beyond belief -- not of what she'll charge me, no, but how she'll react to all my crap. and actually, seeing as i'm INCOME-less (or at least STEADY income-less), it wouldn't hurt to get that nice fatola-check-full of $$. though, i didn't give the ol' IRS all that much $ last year. yikes. maybe i should be scared.

on a side note: if you're a do-it-yourselfer, i *highly* recommend using an accountant. i was always a do-it-yourselfer, but finally used an accountant for the first time last year and *oh boy* was i happy. NEVER doing-it-myself AGAIN! whatever your whatever accountant wants to whatever charge you, it's so worth every single penny and more.

"you're just not serious"

and now comes the "x doesn't need you, so we're going to let you go" speech:

you're just not serious enough. you have too many distractions and you're not taking this seriously. they've read all your messages (yes, meaning they READ ALL MY EMAILS!!!). so i'm sorry. if you're gonna be mad, be mad at me.

first, yes, while i may have been dumb to email at a new job in the first place, but no, i wasn't doing this through my work email, this was through my personal email. so they read alllll my emails probably as i was typing them... how scary freaky is that?? i feel so violated. so exposed. but in the end, of course i only have myself to blame. blame myself for not speaking up for myself and telling blah:

you know, if you would just let me watch you and PROPERLY TRAIN me, maybe i wouldn't be distracted. i am terrified at work because i have NO CLUE as to what i'm doing. you just throw stuff at me and expect me to do it, while i can do what i think is right to a point, it will never be what you and your 35 years of experience wants. so i find these "distractions" so that it looks as if i'm busy away figuring out what's wrong with that stupid wallet/bag/keychain/shit/fuck/crap/itch/bitch/bleh. (and dammit!@ !!!! i stopped them from recalling a shitload of fucking wallets. crap. if i knew this was coming, i would've kept my mouth SHUT! damn me for trying to impress them with my "pays attention to details" eyes... fucking shits...i tell you, i'm so dumb sometimes...) so throw me a bone here and help me out.

i have decided that i must enroll my lame have-no-problem-blabbing-the-shit-out-of-peoples-ears-when-i-talk-about-nothing-of-importance ass in some sorta speech class, as this is not the first OR last time i will not speak up for myself. bad! bad! bad! i know! air-slap the back of my hand for me, will ya? thanks. or just whack me hard on my head until i get it.

okay, yes, true, i confess, i wasn't taking x seriously. while x may have been the opportunity of my lifetime to better my business in the end, i did act like a complete a-hole. the whole email addiction thing... i think i need to go to emailaholics anonymous (but when would i have time when i'm a regular at l&laholics anonymous, eataholics anonymous & crassmouthaholics anonymous???!!!).

428 unused minutes

okay.. WHAT is going on? i can't believe i have 428 UNUSED minutes!!! wow. seriously. the world should just end RIGHT now. do you even know how unbearably *shocking* that is for me? my cycle ends on the 10th. FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT minutes!!! WOAH. that just means that i haven't been keeping in touch with my friends as much as i should! SHAME ON ME! i'm sooo gonna try to use those fucking minutes before my cycle is up. don't know how close i'll get but my potagee mout can surely find a way... oh! hello -- i do have to tell everyone how dumb of a shit friend they have that could get fired for fucking emailing all day... loser!!!! who emails at their *new* job all day... oh, wait, i know someone...ME!

and the countdown begins... i'm so curious to see how much of it i can use up. it's my new goal for the week (or until thursday). :)

how to get fired 101

a few easy hints on how to get your ass fired:

1) reading blogs at work (SO STOP NOW)

2) writing blogs at work

3) writing blogs about your co-workers at work

4) writing emails at work

5) writing emails about your co-workers at work

6) writing emails at work

7) writing emails at work

8) writing emails at work

9) writing emails at work

10) have a side business that is TOTALLY related and in the EXACT same field as your job

11) write emails at work about said business

12) answer the cell phone at work

13) not care about work

14) think: this is just a job, not my life like it is to alllllllll these other people

i have NOT done all of the aforementioned but the ones that i have done [to get my ass fired] are: 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 13 & 14

#'s 10 & 11 -- i did an AWESOME job at keeping both at bay

now, this is soooo true. and while you are freaking out for me (if you're one of my friends that are reading this), NOT to worry, i am actually laughing at myself that i could be such a dumbass and am quite happy that it's because of emailing and not because i was unable to perform the job.

and honestly, as so many have already said, one being my advisor in LIFE (mindi), i would've had to choose between x and my biz and i think i ultimately would've chosen x and down the road would've regretted it and now have to make my biz MY biz and make that first press proud to have me in their fucking magazine. so i will go back to being pro-active about biz & do my freelance gig & design for that previous summer agreement...

and besides, x could've sued me, as they have the money AND the power to do so. why would they sue me you ask? because there is no way in hell that my biz could've been kept a secret for too long.

so it's still a fabulous 2005, don't you worry, as i'm just realizing that that's obviously not the path that i was supposed to take (did you know you could say 'that' 3 x in one sentence?? -- or now 4). veered off the road for a little bit, but jumping right back on. and getting back to what i've always desired for myself -- to own my own flourishing business.

i'm no mother

BUT i would NEVER give my kid some OLD snow off the street so she could wash her hands...

YES! I DID FUCKING SEE THAT!!!!!!!

HOW disgusting is that??!!! now i may not exactly be "mother" material -- my kids would probably gang up on me and murder me for being so neglectful or eat me out of starvation because i'm pathetic and don't know how to cook for shit. BUT i would like to believe that i'd have their [unborn children that will REMAIN unborn for YEARS at end] best interest at hand, no? i mean... hmmm... it snowed... WHEN? not yesterday, you sick mommy. i don't care if it's just for her hands -- it's fucking snow off the streets/sidewalks of new york fucking city. that is so outrageously disgusting you should go to jail for child abuse!!!! EEW! EEW! EEW! and actually -- at this point, you can't even CALL it snow. it's beyond snow. it's dog piss, dirt, bacteria, dog poop, ummmmm..... what else. WHAT isn't there? EVERYTHING!!!! germies!!!! did you NOT get germie education back in the day? i did. g-r-o-s-s.

ICK. puke. blech. yuck. puke-ola gross-a-losa...

hi

so is saying "hi" a hard thing to do? or just SIMPLY acknowledging other people's existence? i ask because it has occurred to me that people i say "hi" to at work seem oddly pleased and confused that i acknowledge their presence. for instance, i see the guy-that-takes-my-trash on a daily basis, therefore, i feel i see him enough to say "hello, how are you?" and he almost took a second look today (i usually just say hi, but now that i've noticed it's a regular thing, i decided to ask how the guy's doing), startled (i could tell by the shocked look in the eyes and the fidgeting eyebrows) that i even cared to ask, he smiled, and responded "i'm doing good, [with emphasis on] thanks for asking. how are you?"

and then there's the security guard that i see every morning and i say "hi" to her EVERY time i see her and NOTICE that no one else around me EVER does. do people just think they're better than EVERYBODY else? i mean, it's not hard to say "hi." it takes all of a half a second. and besides, it makes people smile to know that you cared to give them your half a second of a breath. and don't you like to just "feel good" in general? i don't know about you, but i sure as hell do. i like knowing that i possibly made someone smile for half a second. it's better than no second at all. and what if you saying "hi" just put halt on what a bad day that person was having. wouldn't you want to have that kind of effect on people?

maybe i'm just crazy for thinking people could actually give a shit about someone other than themselves... one can only hope i guess.